Treading out the rough terrain has hit an all time 'low' so to speak. I think today has been the most unexpected of days I have ever survived. Like the Palm tree, some news swayed the heck out of me but the gale wind of the conversation has passed and by God's will and purpose I remain. I have lost some branches, and of those that remain some have lost leaves but I'm still here.
I remain standing. I remain believing. I remain hopeful. I know that God is in control. I know that He has not left me nor forsaken me, no matter what I've inadvertently done or not done. I know that I am yet the head and not the tail. I am above only and not beneath. I know that I am yet blessed going in and coming out. I know that I am blessed in the city and in the country - no matter what it looks like.
I know that only God knows the way that I take. He alone knows my heart and its troubles. He alone knows my motives and my desires. He alone knows the effort I make every day to walk trust Him for my life.
The accusations must come. The misunderstandings must come. They hurt like the dickens but they will make me stronger. It is hard to know that someone you honor and respect does not understand the hard path of your life. But we don't get to choose our paths if we are walking in obedience to God's will for our lives. I would not have chosen this path had I known that's for sure! In this I know I am not alone, many of us would have screamed "Hold up God! I take that back! I don't want this journey after all!"
I refuse to make judgement as others have. I must however decipher for my own sanity that which is said from a place of Truth in Love from that which is said from a place of hurt and devastation. I understand, I really do, when we are hurt we make poor choices until we process why we're hurt - through Truth. Unfortunately, that is the hardest thing for many of us to do because we have to face some hard things about ourselves, our choices, and our behaviors.
As I end this day not knowing what faces me tomorrow, I know this journey has shifted and the terrain remains rough. As all things from here on for me. There has been a shifting, a maturing to the capability of people to be so cold, cutthroat and wrong about me at the same time.
I realize this is not the first time someone will miscalculate me. I understand now that as painful a life that it can be, it is yet a gift. So great a gift that it is worth the uncertainty that comes with being open and vulnerable over and over risking all and not giving weight to the possibiity of being 'slapt upside the head' by misunderstanding or straight deception.
I must know so deeply who I am. I must know my own value and that it is God birthed. Will that get tested? Duh! But I always come back to my God centered place and find that His Peace and His Presence will never leave me, never judge me, never misunderstand me and I realize everything will be ok.
Everything will be ok because I am submitted whole heartedly to God's Word, Will and Way. I will receive all teaching, instruction and correction that comes tested and pure through His Love and Truth be it directly to me, through my undershepherd/Pastor, or another chosen vessel.
Tracy
Sunday, December 9, 2007
Treading the Rough Terrain - Written November 21st, 2007
This time of year always seems to bring the toughest trials. I came to this conclusion just the other day when God spoke to me "tread through the rough terrain." The past couple of weeks have been a spiritual battle for me as well as a physical one. My head has been unclear, and my energy level low. Yet every day, I get up with the same dogged determination to be a valuable servant for Christ. ..:namespace prefix = o ns = "urn:schemas-microsoft-com:office:office" />
Have I met the standards I set for myself every day? Have I completed the measure of holiness I set for myself every day? Was I perfect steward over my life in every role I carry? NO!
Yet, every 'lucid' moment I did give praise and honor to God through my lips and my life. I never once dishonored Him or His name as His servant or child according to His Word.
Every day I felt well enough I would exercise and walk my dog and pray. I would read and meditate on the Word the best that I could. It surely has been a time I am glad that the Word is hidden in my heart that I might draw from it, for strength and declaration!
Even so, I was feeling a little weary, I had missed some important events, suffered some physical attacks, so justifiably, I was weary. It was then God encouraged me with "tread through the rough terrain." That's all He said but somehow I knew that He was telling me it was going to be okay once I was done treading through this rough spot.
I likened it to hiking, when you come to a real hard part of the hike. It's not long, but it's quite difficult. You take a deep some breaths, drink some water and trod it out because you know once you get through the rough terrain of the hike, you'll be able to go back to enjoying the journey of the hike.
So for now, I'm taking it one day at a time. Not pressing myself to do too much (I'm a list maker! Enough said...), and being at peace with the pace God has me at right now. A pace that will help tread the rough terrain successfully... and for that I love and adore Him, my Father, my Savior, my Lord.
Have I met the standards I set for myself every day? Have I completed the measure of holiness I set for myself every day? Was I perfect steward over my life in every role I carry? NO!
Yet, every 'lucid' moment I did give praise and honor to God through my lips and my life. I never once dishonored Him or His name as His servant or child according to His Word.
Every day I felt well enough I would exercise and walk my dog and pray. I would read and meditate on the Word the best that I could. It surely has been a time I am glad that the Word is hidden in my heart that I might draw from it, for strength and declaration!
Even so, I was feeling a little weary, I had missed some important events, suffered some physical attacks, so justifiably, I was weary. It was then God encouraged me with "tread through the rough terrain." That's all He said but somehow I knew that He was telling me it was going to be okay once I was done treading through this rough spot.
I likened it to hiking, when you come to a real hard part of the hike. It's not long, but it's quite difficult. You take a deep some breaths, drink some water and trod it out because you know once you get through the rough terrain of the hike, you'll be able to go back to enjoying the journey of the hike.
So for now, I'm taking it one day at a time. Not pressing myself to do too much (I'm a list maker! Enough said...), and being at peace with the pace God has me at right now. A pace that will help tread the rough terrain successfully... and for that I love and adore Him, my Father, my Savior, my Lord.
Winter time - I love it. I hate it...
I go through this rolling of recovering over and over of the flu until my immune system has built up enough to combat it AND maintain healthy levels for me to live instead of survive! It is a difficult time for me since I am one who loves and appreciates life so much.
I am still somewhat saddened that sometimes others don't understand the fight I have with an overworked immune system. In reality, most don't have the proper information, so they are making uninformed decisions in their estimation of my situation and how I should be handling it. To be honest, they don't know the half of it, but it's all good - Romans 8:28.
Even though I don't live in an area where there is snow, I love the snow. Mind you I said snow, not the icy conditions that come with it! Oh and of course, I have to include that I love the snow as long as there is a working fireplace and heating system in place (yes both) !
Winter time becomes a time for me where I find God encourages me so much through His Word, His Presence and His Love because I end up spending a lot of time at home. It's a time I turn inward and become quiet in such a deep way and find God there waiting to give me gifts of revelation of His Word and His Presence. You know how you get to the bottom of the bowl of some yummy dessert and find the best bites are there waiting for you to relish? It's kind of like that. Sorry, best analogy I had!
By time I am feeling better, I have such a grateful, appreciative and thankful mindset that it seems worth it. I see so many who have no understanding or appreciation for the gift of life that God gives them. They totally take physical health (as well as His Presence and Goodness) in their life for granted. It has given me such a burden to share every opportunity God gives to share the honor it is to have health and not only that but to have every gift and ability He gives us, no matter how small or insignificant WE think it is.
The bad part of winter? Because my immune system is fighting double and triple overtime to get well and back to healthy levels, my energy on a level from 1-10 goes from nonexistent to a 4 or 5. If it goes any higher? I know it is straight God for me to do that thing (for I daily am praying and decreeing, even if it is from my bed in an exhausted whisper!). I miss being in God's corporate presence as I miss church more during this time.
I love God, His Word so very much. To know that within myself is one of the most important deliverances I received during a winter time. It has been the winter times that I have ended up developing and maturing the deep things that He had shared with me from the rest of the year in church because it was just me and God so many days.
Still, because I don't travel as much during the winter I look forward to being at home ministry more and it's a bit frustrating not being able to. I can't wait until we are recording services on DVD; that will be a great thing.
Anyway, with a short break from school I am doing a lot of writing, my love for sure. I hope to complete some projects but it will be God's Will not mine as my energy and foggy head have been a struggle to push through, but where there is a challenge, I seem to keep getting up and putting my best foot in Christ forward!
Love and encouragement to all who read this!
Talitha Cumi!
I am still somewhat saddened that sometimes others don't understand the fight I have with an overworked immune system. In reality, most don't have the proper information, so they are making uninformed decisions in their estimation of my situation and how I should be handling it. To be honest, they don't know the half of it, but it's all good - Romans 8:28.
Even though I don't live in an area where there is snow, I love the snow. Mind you I said snow, not the icy conditions that come with it! Oh and of course, I have to include that I love the snow as long as there is a working fireplace and heating system in place (yes both) !
Winter time becomes a time for me where I find God encourages me so much through His Word, His Presence and His Love because I end up spending a lot of time at home. It's a time I turn inward and become quiet in such a deep way and find God there waiting to give me gifts of revelation of His Word and His Presence. You know how you get to the bottom of the bowl of some yummy dessert and find the best bites are there waiting for you to relish? It's kind of like that. Sorry, best analogy I had!
By time I am feeling better, I have such a grateful, appreciative and thankful mindset that it seems worth it. I see so many who have no understanding or appreciation for the gift of life that God gives them. They totally take physical health (as well as His Presence and Goodness) in their life for granted. It has given me such a burden to share every opportunity God gives to share the honor it is to have health and not only that but to have every gift and ability He gives us, no matter how small or insignificant WE think it is.
The bad part of winter? Because my immune system is fighting double and triple overtime to get well and back to healthy levels, my energy on a level from 1-10 goes from nonexistent to a 4 or 5. If it goes any higher? I know it is straight God for me to do that thing (for I daily am praying and decreeing, even if it is from my bed in an exhausted whisper!). I miss being in God's corporate presence as I miss church more during this time.
I love God, His Word so very much. To know that within myself is one of the most important deliverances I received during a winter time. It has been the winter times that I have ended up developing and maturing the deep things that He had shared with me from the rest of the year in church because it was just me and God so many days.
Still, because I don't travel as much during the winter I look forward to being at home ministry more and it's a bit frustrating not being able to. I can't wait until we are recording services on DVD; that will be a great thing.
Anyway, with a short break from school I am doing a lot of writing, my love for sure. I hope to complete some projects but it will be God's Will not mine as my energy and foggy head have been a struggle to push through, but where there is a challenge, I seem to keep getting up and putting my best foot in Christ forward!
Love and encouragement to all who read this!
Talitha Cumi!
Sunday, November 4, 2007
Failure Can Be A Good Thing!
I am a firm believer that failure can be a good thing, for it is only THRU failing that we reach our successes! The person who is afraid to fail is the person who will have few achievements!Who cares if you're wrong? Use it to empower yourself instead of defeat yourself! "As they say, if you find yourself falling, just fall forward!" On the path to learning how to do things right you're going to run into the 'wrong way' many times! It's the same as suffering failures on your way to becoming a successful and prosperous person!Live life people! Research who you know God made you to be! You are fearfully and wonderfully made and very precious to God! Learn to love and appreciate yourself – the good and the "bad". I say "bad" for lack of another term for God makes no bad thing! (Check my blog soon for "No bad thing!") Well, I guess you can tell, I love speaking LIFE into people! Lol! It truly is my passion ya'll! I find myself doing it no matter how I feel … and it's not always convenient! But oh well! "My meat is to the will of Him who sent me, and to finish His work." (John 4:34)
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