It's time to understand life is larger than you.
It's time to understand we only have one time to walk this path.
It's time to understand the eternal and generational consequences of your actions.
It's time to understand the greater is in giving not receiving.
It's time to understand the power of joy and generosity.
It's time to understand the power of helping others.
It's time to understand the most important moment is right now.
It's time to understand there are no do overs once the words have been spoken.
It's time to understand your way is not necessarily the only way and you could just be wrong - totally wrong.
It's time to understand the power of grace, mercy and forgiveness.
It's time to understand the joy of pure silliness and laughter.
It's time to understand change is of God and a good thing, a very good thing.
It's time ... time for understanding ... time to grow up - finally and stop blaming others for choices you made.
That's what time it is...
Monday, December 29, 2008
Thursday, October 23, 2008
Each day IS a brand new day...
Sometimes I have to remind myself that each day truly is a brand new day. I do not have to carry yesterday into today. I do not have to worry about what tomorrow is going to no doubt bring. I can enjoy this day for the day that it is all by itself.
What happened yesterday does not have to dampen what it is available for me today. What might happen tomorrow cannot cloud my ability to live fully in this day.
I will not generalize what happens today to mean nothing is working in my life. I will not let one event mar my mood clouding my positive sense of self. My life is 'a good thing' because I am a good thing.
By God's divine will, purpose and destiny are meeting together today and giving me every opportunity to experience the comfort of His Presence and Power. I am set to achieve, create and accomplish wellness, results and experience vitality of life.
I am who God says I am; I can do what He has I can do and because of that, this truly is a brand new day.
What happened yesterday does not have to dampen what it is available for me today. What might happen tomorrow cannot cloud my ability to live fully in this day.
I will not generalize what happens today to mean nothing is working in my life. I will not let one event mar my mood clouding my positive sense of self. My life is 'a good thing' because I am a good thing.
By God's divine will, purpose and destiny are meeting together today and giving me every opportunity to experience the comfort of His Presence and Power. I am set to achieve, create and accomplish wellness, results and experience vitality of life.
I am who God says I am; I can do what He has I can do and because of that, this truly is a brand new day.
Tuesday, October 21, 2008
Sabbatical Journeys reveal themselves one day at a time..
It has been quite a while since I have taken the time to write. I have missed it. So much is going on in and around my life. So much is going on in the world. I have had low times but I fought hard to maintain my desire to exist until I could connect with my desire for purpose and destiny once again. Those days have been few, thank God. Yet they earned me another day and time to reflect on how awesome God is - when nothing feels right, looks right or sounds right.
I've had so many moments where I felt God's active presence divinely guiding me with concrete evidence. Like He was softly telling me "I'm still intimately here with you, I still love you dear heart". Those moments come when I need them the most and expect them the least. They give me courage to arise and breathe in His strength, His Loving presence. During this sabbatical journey I am learning even more about His Love, His powerful promises and how no matter what comes they are still true and powerful – they breathe such Life into me.
Just by choosing to live I am earning a higher appreciation for His Word, His Will and His Way. Just choosing to live through this sabbatical journey I am earning a stronger, deeper understanding and outlook on the possibilities a believer's life holds if they stand strong in the face of their own life traps as well as tradition, unbelief and universal blindness. This Way is only offered to those whose convictions in God cannot be uprooted, though tried and tested - sway they may - but always returning to rest, still rooted and grounded.
Sabbatical journeys reveal how experiencing true rest only comes from being one with Matthew 11:29 and Psalm 16:9. I want to continue but other life assignments await me, like my MBA paper for one! It feels good to my soul to write this… Yes, this is well to my soul… I am learning some things, like this divinely appointed sabbatical journey reveal their purpose one day at a time. Perhaps that is the point…
I've had so many moments where I felt God's active presence divinely guiding me with concrete evidence. Like He was softly telling me "I'm still intimately here with you, I still love you dear heart". Those moments come when I need them the most and expect them the least. They give me courage to arise and breathe in His strength, His Loving presence. During this sabbatical journey I am learning even more about His Love, His powerful promises and how no matter what comes they are still true and powerful – they breathe such Life into me.
Just by choosing to live I am earning a higher appreciation for His Word, His Will and His Way. Just choosing to live through this sabbatical journey I am earning a stronger, deeper understanding and outlook on the possibilities a believer's life holds if they stand strong in the face of their own life traps as well as tradition, unbelief and universal blindness. This Way is only offered to those whose convictions in God cannot be uprooted, though tried and tested - sway they may - but always returning to rest, still rooted and grounded.
Sabbatical journeys reveal how experiencing true rest only comes from being one with Matthew 11:29 and Psalm 16:9. I want to continue but other life assignments await me, like my MBA paper for one! It feels good to my soul to write this… Yes, this is well to my soul… I am learning some things, like this divinely appointed sabbatical journey reveal their purpose one day at a time. Perhaps that is the point…
Tuesday, July 22, 2008
Real ness in Christ
Real ness in Christ...what came to your mind when you read that? The past several weeks have caused me to reflect on just that as I have been on assignment which birthed the start of my business 'All Things R Possible'. As a woman of God I have no doubt of His divine presence, for sanity and faith persisted when they should have ceased to exist.
One will discover how ‘real’ their relationship with Christ is as Lord and Savior when He throws such curveballs into the game it spins the batter at every attempt to hit it. If the ‘batter’ is not properly prepared, the curveballs will either hit the batter due to wild swinging attempts or leave them dazed staring unbelieving and confounded.
The Word is our main source for preparation and maturity. How ‘one’ you are with the Word becomes plainly evident when you are divinely assigned to a journey that disrupts any normalcy or pattern to your life. Fellowship and His corporate presence become precious as you are no longer able to go to the house of God whenever you want to. This spins a whole new light of understanding and praise when you do get to go to service.
If you truly have surrendered your life to Christ, this type of journey will cause you to seek God with an urgent desire to make sure His presence and purpose is with you daily. The level of true fear or reverence for God you have will show clearly. What you stand on, believe in and live for will be tested. It is kin to the bold one who no longer has his group around as a safety net and support.
When God’s season for you is such as this, it is of course for good, for purpose, and maturity. It tests our ‘real’ ness in Christ outside the four walls of comfort and familiarity. Yet how else will He mature us so that we will “always be ready to give a defense to everyone who asks (us) a reason for the hope that is in you, with meekness and fear” (1 Peter 3:15). We learn of what mind we really are, “finally, all of you be of one mind, having compassion for one another; love as brothers, be tenderhearted, be courteous” (1 Peter 3:8).
This place is where you discover whether your confession and surrender to God’s purpose and glory is true, built upon the Truth and chief cornerstone, namely Christ. “For it is the God who commanded light to shine out of darkness, who has shone in our hearts to give the light of the knowledge of the glory of God in the face of Jesus Christ” (2 Corinthians 4:18).
Through this time, I have cherished the more His Word, His Will and His Way. I, who by His grace through faith have been “made alive” no longer embracing my own way, “fulfilling the desires of the flesh and of the mind”. I am now “His workmanship, created in Christ Jesus for good works which God (not by my own hand and purpose) prepared beforehand that (I) should walk in them” (Ephesians 2).
Do I miss my now cherished times of regular and scheduled fellowship? Yes!! I fully believe God knows that – understands the tugs of my heart – but more than that He must also know that no matter what – I understand it is for Him and “in Him I live and move and have my being” (Acts 17:28).
One will discover how ‘real’ their relationship with Christ is as Lord and Savior when He throws such curveballs into the game it spins the batter at every attempt to hit it. If the ‘batter’ is not properly prepared, the curveballs will either hit the batter due to wild swinging attempts or leave them dazed staring unbelieving and confounded.
The Word is our main source for preparation and maturity. How ‘one’ you are with the Word becomes plainly evident when you are divinely assigned to a journey that disrupts any normalcy or pattern to your life. Fellowship and His corporate presence become precious as you are no longer able to go to the house of God whenever you want to. This spins a whole new light of understanding and praise when you do get to go to service.
If you truly have surrendered your life to Christ, this type of journey will cause you to seek God with an urgent desire to make sure His presence and purpose is with you daily. The level of true fear or reverence for God you have will show clearly. What you stand on, believe in and live for will be tested. It is kin to the bold one who no longer has his group around as a safety net and support.
When God’s season for you is such as this, it is of course for good, for purpose, and maturity. It tests our ‘real’ ness in Christ outside the four walls of comfort and familiarity. Yet how else will He mature us so that we will “always be ready to give a defense to everyone who asks (us) a reason for the hope that is in you, with meekness and fear” (1 Peter 3:15). We learn of what mind we really are, “finally, all of you be of one mind, having compassion for one another; love as brothers, be tenderhearted, be courteous” (1 Peter 3:8).
This place is where you discover whether your confession and surrender to God’s purpose and glory is true, built upon the Truth and chief cornerstone, namely Christ. “For it is the God who commanded light to shine out of darkness, who has shone in our hearts to give the light of the knowledge of the glory of God in the face of Jesus Christ” (2 Corinthians 4:18).
Through this time, I have cherished the more His Word, His Will and His Way. I, who by His grace through faith have been “made alive” no longer embracing my own way, “fulfilling the desires of the flesh and of the mind”. I am now “His workmanship, created in Christ Jesus for good works which God (not by my own hand and purpose) prepared beforehand that (I) should walk in them” (Ephesians 2).
Do I miss my now cherished times of regular and scheduled fellowship? Yes!! I fully believe God knows that – understands the tugs of my heart – but more than that He must also know that no matter what – I understand it is for Him and “in Him I live and move and have my being” (Acts 17:28).
Tuesday, June 17, 2008
Your Conversation
What Is Your Conversation About?
… and just why are you speaking?
In my devotion time today Proverbs 17:27 penetrated my thoughts deeply. It states, “He who has knowledge spares his words, and a man of understanding is of a calm spirit” (NKJV). I rummaged through my closet of memories to review my own ‘style’ or manner of speaking. In a short time I concluded two basic things myself.
The first was how misunderstood a person can be if they take up what I consider the worlds’ norms – speak freely without constraint and making sure your ‘voice’ on a matter is expressed. The idea many times, as I have experienced it, is if you don’t say much when in a group or gathering of people, you are perceived as ‘less intelligent’ a shy babe if you will not yet matured enough to engage in conversations imparting your wisdom and experience.
I can think of countless times in group conversations with everyone having their say or giving their ‘take’ on the matter. Speaking with many words they share their opinions as concrete truths seen through a conglomeration of tunnels of self experiences. Listening quietly so many times, I hear with an ear of understanding that comes only from transparent courageous living.
Life has taught me well not to speak to swiftly or with an ignorant confidence on what ‘I think’ about someone else’s behavior, life circumstances of choice of decisions. It is now as if I instinctively shrink my own conclusions because of the many times I thought I would never be found doing this or having done that. Life has verified the Word is absolutely true and unchanging. Once you have lived enough life with wisdom and honest self discovery, the less you are to make a judgment on many things.
I have heard it said, “the older you get, the less you know.” I would add the older you get, the less quick you are to boldly assert your position or opinion as an accurate truth. I have many thoughts and opinions on matters and have learned to use wisdom and understanding in how and when I express them. In a nutshell what is it the Word caused me to reflect upon? Don’t be so quick to share what you (think) you know.
Don’t always be the one who ‘has the answer’ or the one whose voice is always heard. This brings me to the second reflection I came to this morning and that is the second half of Proverbs 17:27, “and a man of understanding is of a calm spirit.” Being the quiet one should not be concluded as being unlearned or uninformed. Neither should being on the slow side to speak in a group be seen as one who is devoid of understanding.
So many times I have been mistaken for being passive and simple because I am ‘shy’ or quiet in groups. Then later when I have had opportunity to speak with them one on one or they do finally hear me speak in a group, they always share how surprised and mistaken they were in their perception of me. I have done the same thing. There is one woman I know who is much like me in a group, she rarely speaks and spends most of her time listening. Then I had the privilege of hearing her ‘preach’ one Sunday morning. I was floored by her ability and gifting to share the Word. The presence of God filled the sanctuary and many eyes, minds and hearts received great revelation, healing and deliverance.
When she was through, she became that quiet serene and calm woman again but once again the Lord proved ‘never judge a book by its cover’ for until you read it for yourself, you have no clue the jewels of healing and transformation it possesses for your life.
… and just why are you speaking?
In my devotion time today Proverbs 17:27 penetrated my thoughts deeply. It states, “He who has knowledge spares his words, and a man of understanding is of a calm spirit” (NKJV). I rummaged through my closet of memories to review my own ‘style’ or manner of speaking. In a short time I concluded two basic things myself.
The first was how misunderstood a person can be if they take up what I consider the worlds’ norms – speak freely without constraint and making sure your ‘voice’ on a matter is expressed. The idea many times, as I have experienced it, is if you don’t say much when in a group or gathering of people, you are perceived as ‘less intelligent’ a shy babe if you will not yet matured enough to engage in conversations imparting your wisdom and experience.
I can think of countless times in group conversations with everyone having their say or giving their ‘take’ on the matter. Speaking with many words they share their opinions as concrete truths seen through a conglomeration of tunnels of self experiences. Listening quietly so many times, I hear with an ear of understanding that comes only from transparent courageous living.
Life has taught me well not to speak to swiftly or with an ignorant confidence on what ‘I think’ about someone else’s behavior, life circumstances of choice of decisions. It is now as if I instinctively shrink my own conclusions because of the many times I thought I would never be found doing this or having done that. Life has verified the Word is absolutely true and unchanging. Once you have lived enough life with wisdom and honest self discovery, the less you are to make a judgment on many things.
I have heard it said, “the older you get, the less you know.” I would add the older you get, the less quick you are to boldly assert your position or opinion as an accurate truth. I have many thoughts and opinions on matters and have learned to use wisdom and understanding in how and when I express them. In a nutshell what is it the Word caused me to reflect upon? Don’t be so quick to share what you (think) you know.
Don’t always be the one who ‘has the answer’ or the one whose voice is always heard. This brings me to the second reflection I came to this morning and that is the second half of Proverbs 17:27, “and a man of understanding is of a calm spirit.” Being the quiet one should not be concluded as being unlearned or uninformed. Neither should being on the slow side to speak in a group be seen as one who is devoid of understanding.
So many times I have been mistaken for being passive and simple because I am ‘shy’ or quiet in groups. Then later when I have had opportunity to speak with them one on one or they do finally hear me speak in a group, they always share how surprised and mistaken they were in their perception of me. I have done the same thing. There is one woman I know who is much like me in a group, she rarely speaks and spends most of her time listening. Then I had the privilege of hearing her ‘preach’ one Sunday morning. I was floored by her ability and gifting to share the Word. The presence of God filled the sanctuary and many eyes, minds and hearts received great revelation, healing and deliverance.
When she was through, she became that quiet serene and calm woman again but once again the Lord proved ‘never judge a book by its cover’ for until you read it for yourself, you have no clue the jewels of healing and transformation it possesses for your life.
Monday, February 18, 2008
I feel so blessed. I was just browsing some topics of another blog and one of the topics caught my eye. I haven't even read it yet but felt a need to jot my thoughts down before they left me. There is a difference unbeknownst to many between being insecure and having insecurities. All of us have insecurities. Not all of us are insecure. I started this blog with feeling blessed. I said this because I know I am secure in myself. I enjoy my own company. I honor and humbly cherish my God-given strengths and weaknesses. I love the 'me' I was created to be. This leads me to the unavoidable journey we all have to travel and that is one of insecurities. Our insecurities are best seen as a tool of discovery that if allowed will lead us to a more mature place.
Unfortunately, so many have been taught to hide their insecurities instead of revealing them. To reveal them and share them in a safe environment is to take the 'wind out of their sails'. They can no longer be a force holding us back from discovering the beauty of who we are created to be. I learned this several years ago and it was so freeing. I discovered revealing an insecurity empowered me! Once that ball got rolling, sharing my inner self and my life's struggles became a wonderful experience. Sharing who you are is one of the most powerful experiences. I believe this is exactly why God brings specific and unique trials to each one of us. For the purpose of sharing and helping others. This is the very reason we will have to deal with insecurities until we pass from this earth.
As you let go of insecurities and fears more and more trusting God with your life, you will find that He shows you a more excellent Way to overcome. This Way is found in His Word. Each time you "do" the Word from a place of faith (with a clean heart), you gain inner strength. The type of inner strength which brings serenity no man can disturb. This is the place of being secure that I mentioned in the beginning of this blog. A security that can stand calm in the face of craziness. Many mistake this for passiveness or weakness. At first, for me I wanted to defend myself as I was seen this way. I wanted to say, "I am not weak nor am I passive. I am merely not threatened by you." This was a grueling season for me to say the least but I made it.
After some time I began to feel sorrow for others who felt they had to manipulate, demean, or be controlling. The more solid you are in your sense of security, the more compassion you develop. The Love of God has grown to such a dimension within that the misperception and abusive manner is of no consequence to who you are. The 'who you are' is rooted in Christ not man; in agape Love which transcends the natural realm. You are no longer tossed to and fro as a tumbleweed down a long stretch of highway on a hot summer day. You are now the more like a grand palm tree that sways with the fiercest winds while retaining its original position, firmly rooted in the ground.
I feel so blessed. I know who I am. I am secure. I am so secure that I am unafraid to deal with my insecurities. I am confident and full of courage that what life holds for me I can handle. Will all be easy? No. Will there be challenges up ahead? Of course. I just know that I have something very precious and powerful in knowing and loving me.
2008 – The year of new beginnings and what a new beginning it has been. In a conversation with a friend recently she mentioned how God didn't say
what KIND of new beginning it would be! I had to think for a moment but soon realized she had a valid point.
It would be just like God to start out the year of new beginnings with some gut wrenching turmoil – that started late last year. Almost as if a testing of our commitment and faith in Him, to see if we would still believe, still stand on His Word.
Just a few days ago though I sensed a shift was about to take place. I remember feeling the heavy spirit of sadness or impending doom that had mysteriously been weighting me down the past couple of weeks was gone. It was like feeling a distinct lightness in my spirit and whole being.
Today God confirmed it through the Word preached at church. Our Pastor spoke of a shift taking place and that God is getting us ready for our next assignment, move and mandate. He also said God is about to make a kingdom deposit but only for those who had order in their lives.
Holding on these past several weeks of 2008 has been a rough journey, but I am so grateful for the grace and purpose to hold on. Through this I have been reminded how the Word really is Strength and Power. Had I not been a proven student of the Word, it wouldn't have been in me to draw upon for resilience.
Even as I have been writing this, the enemy has not been lying dormant but sticking his little imps of confusion all about to try and take me off course. This is the natural course of events after God moves. I thank God for making plain the crooked path the imps were attempting to draw me down. His Word says, He shall make every crooked path straight (Isaiah 40:4, Luke 3:5).
He also tells us to watch AND pray. I am reminded through my journey this year so far how important this is to our well being and growth. (For reference see - 1 Peter 5:8, Luke 21:34-36, Mark 13:33).
I believe this year is going to be very interesting and I can honestly say I am really looking forward to what's ahead.
Talitha Cumi
Sunday, January 13, 2008
Finally!
Finally, finally finally! I am merging into adulthood in an area of my life where I have been struggling as a grown up.
For as long as I remember, I have had this ridiculous reaction when I am startled. Not only that but I am startled very easily. I had no control over when it would happen. I was quite embarrassing. People would get such a kick out of seeing me jump half out of my seat in church at loud noises. It was funny I suppose. But it gets old after a while. I knew it had to do with my nervous system. I had prayed year in and year out. I had been told that anxiety was given to me as a thorn so to speak to try and take me out to thwart purpose.
That reminder helped me when I would get frustrated about my anxiety issues and exaggerated startling. The other thing that plagued me for years was how my ability to recall memories was nil. There was a shut down lock down threshold between my short and long term memory. I hated it. It just wasn't fair. I think that is what makes me so childlike in experiencing things though. I didn't realize that for a long time.
Because I can't remember things, I experience many things with the untainted eyes of a child allowing the freedom to fully appreciate life so much more. One of the silver linings to my cloud if you will. I also cannot remember the pains of my hurts which run very deep. A huge silver lining! Thank you Father! Still I feel the need for closure on my past. Why? Because I was allowed to shut down for a season. With that, I have had to live with much anxiety and panic attacks.
This all came to a head when a trigger caused a panic attack on December 3rd of last year. The trigger came through a phone call. I didn't realize it yet. I hung up the phone only to get another call from my Dr's nurse. I had called him earlier to give him an update on my increasing anxiety of late. In the midst of our conversation, while driving I realized I was in the midst of the beginning of a panic attack. She asked me where I was and asked could I drive straight to the office.
I made it there. He gave me some medicine for the panic attack, which I got filled immediately, took 1 in the car and made it home.
The next few weeks were a blur. I still felt like I was just getting over a virus and not getting my energy back but instead of getting better I got worse. I literally was exhausted every day. I went from a size 12 to a size 8. I felt numb, disconnected, and fuzzy. I continued to pray the best I could. I knew stressing about it was one thing I was not going to do. I committed whatever was going on to God. He brought to it; He would see me through it. I was more worried about what people were thinking. Wrong.
By the third week of December I knew something was very wrong. I had never felt this exhausted for this long. It was beginning to concern me. I was getting impatient about getting back to living. This was not me. I wanted to be better. NOW. I began surfing the net prayerfully by symptoms I was experiencing.
And then I found it. PTSD (Post Traumatic Stress Disorder). I talked with my Dr. about my discovery and he asked if I could pinpoint the original trauma. At the time of our conversation I couldn't. So, I prayed and asked God to reveal it to me. It would be nothing but a miracle if I remembered considering my shut down memory. The next morning, just as gentlemanly and direct as He always is, the Holy Spirit, told me in exactness what the original trauma was. I thought, 'Wow, wow that makes perfect sense.' It was after a very difficult event in my life when I was 13. How do I know? Because my sister told me after that specific event, I completely shut down. She said she will never forget it.
Of course, I have no recollection at all of it. Just her account of it. So, now, prayerfully I am believing God for the complete closure and recovery of my memory and free access to it. However He sees fit to make that happen is fine. For now I believe I am to walk through some recovery steps with a PTSD specialist. Perhaps then I will be anxiety and panic attack free. Perhaps they will always be a thorn, a witness to His sufficient grace. At least they will no longer debilitate my life any longer. At least I know the why and the what to do when they come. With God's help, understanding and strength I am able now to overcome.
So 2008 is truly a year of new beginnings for me and not just a cliché.
Sincerely, Talitha Cumi aka Tracy
© 2007
For as long as I remember, I have had this ridiculous reaction when I am startled. Not only that but I am startled very easily. I had no control over when it would happen. I was quite embarrassing. People would get such a kick out of seeing me jump half out of my seat in church at loud noises. It was funny I suppose. But it gets old after a while. I knew it had to do with my nervous system. I had prayed year in and year out. I had been told that anxiety was given to me as a thorn so to speak to try and take me out to thwart purpose.
That reminder helped me when I would get frustrated about my anxiety issues and exaggerated startling. The other thing that plagued me for years was how my ability to recall memories was nil. There was a shut down lock down threshold between my short and long term memory. I hated it. It just wasn't fair. I think that is what makes me so childlike in experiencing things though. I didn't realize that for a long time.
Because I can't remember things, I experience many things with the untainted eyes of a child allowing the freedom to fully appreciate life so much more. One of the silver linings to my cloud if you will. I also cannot remember the pains of my hurts which run very deep. A huge silver lining! Thank you Father! Still I feel the need for closure on my past. Why? Because I was allowed to shut down for a season. With that, I have had to live with much anxiety and panic attacks.
This all came to a head when a trigger caused a panic attack on December 3rd of last year. The trigger came through a phone call. I didn't realize it yet. I hung up the phone only to get another call from my Dr's nurse. I had called him earlier to give him an update on my increasing anxiety of late. In the midst of our conversation, while driving I realized I was in the midst of the beginning of a panic attack. She asked me where I was and asked could I drive straight to the office.
I made it there. He gave me some medicine for the panic attack, which I got filled immediately, took 1 in the car and made it home.
The next few weeks were a blur. I still felt like I was just getting over a virus and not getting my energy back but instead of getting better I got worse. I literally was exhausted every day. I went from a size 12 to a size 8. I felt numb, disconnected, and fuzzy. I continued to pray the best I could. I knew stressing about it was one thing I was not going to do. I committed whatever was going on to God. He brought to it; He would see me through it. I was more worried about what people were thinking. Wrong.
By the third week of December I knew something was very wrong. I had never felt this exhausted for this long. It was beginning to concern me. I was getting impatient about getting back to living. This was not me. I wanted to be better. NOW. I began surfing the net prayerfully by symptoms I was experiencing.
And then I found it. PTSD (Post Traumatic Stress Disorder). I talked with my Dr. about my discovery and he asked if I could pinpoint the original trauma. At the time of our conversation I couldn't. So, I prayed and asked God to reveal it to me. It would be nothing but a miracle if I remembered considering my shut down memory. The next morning, just as gentlemanly and direct as He always is, the Holy Spirit, told me in exactness what the original trauma was. I thought, 'Wow, wow that makes perfect sense.' It was after a very difficult event in my life when I was 13. How do I know? Because my sister told me after that specific event, I completely shut down. She said she will never forget it.
Of course, I have no recollection at all of it. Just her account of it. So, now, prayerfully I am believing God for the complete closure and recovery of my memory and free access to it. However He sees fit to make that happen is fine. For now I believe I am to walk through some recovery steps with a PTSD specialist. Perhaps then I will be anxiety and panic attack free. Perhaps they will always be a thorn, a witness to His sufficient grace. At least they will no longer debilitate my life any longer. At least I know the why and the what to do when they come. With God's help, understanding and strength I am able now to overcome.
So 2008 is truly a year of new beginnings for me and not just a cliché.
Sincerely, Talitha Cumi aka Tracy
© 2007
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)
