No matter what happens in life, I find the gifts you're born with will always be pulled to the forefront whether you consciously choose to or not. If you're a writer, you will be compelled to write. It may not be as you envisioned or as you desire but you will write. If you're an artist, your craft will find a way to manifest. Any God given gift will somehow manifest until all purpose has been served.
As I sit here writing thoughts I never intended to, the power of gifts amazes me. My only intention today was to do some research for my sister's endeavor. Next thing I know, I am pulling up my old blogs and writing! I had thought my desire to write had finally been put to rest. I am purposefully working on my health and making great strides but had just about given writing a permanent spot on a back shelf. Surprise surprise!
I find myself encouraged to write again and missing it more than I thought. So among my other pursuits (beginning a handcrafted jewelry business) I will save some focus for writing again. Sitting here, a smile creeps upon my face. Divine gifts will do that.
Gifts you are really attached to may sit unused yet every time you 'clean' out the ideas in your treasure chest, that gift will remain. They are life giving because they stir your creativity and invigorate your life’s' breath. They have purpose.
All the ideas you have in your head, all those dreams that resurface have meaning. It doesn't matter how long they are there. It doesn't matter how much progress or manifestation comes. Until purpose is fulfilled, they will remain and purpose may not be culminated as you originally thought. Maybe you weren't meant to bring the idea completely forth. Perhaps the idea was just meant to be shared at the right moment with the right person as a seed for them to pick up the baton and fulfill. Perhaps the idea needs to be watered by someone else for you to fulfill. Then again, it may just an issue of timing and maturity.
So share your ideas prayerfully and wisely, keeping clear of dream killers. God's purpose will direct you as to whom, how and when. Trust God's leading.
Or sometime through avenues unbeknownst to you, you will be directed back to that gift or idea. Like me. Like today. So again I renew my gift. Today I share it with myself.
Thursday, February 2, 2012
Thursday, March 3, 2011
I recently watched that show where people retell their near death experiences. They all had completely different perspectives on life. All who didn't believe came back as some level of believer. Proof positive to - there is a hereafter ya'll - 'nuf said. One recurring comment was how if it was not their time, they all had to come back - for purpose. So this morning, I smile cuz' I believe this day is a gift and honor and I have a mission or purpose to fulfill, when foolishness creeps in today, I gotchu' - with a smile and peace, you can not have any part of my day.. I really get you just don't have that kind of power... Smiles, I'm good.. are you? (Inspired by Psalm 27:13,14)
I was thinking early this morning how scripture speaks to how we can profess to love God whom we cannot see but can't find a way to love those in our lives we can see (my paraphrase of 1 John 4:20). I've read it over many times over but this morning I saw it through as applied to those in my own household. As a mother, wife and friend how can I say I love God while entertaining wasted negative thoughts about those who live in my own household? Stupid, small, selfish thoughts came waving through this morning and I thought, 'what is that noise?' Such small minded foolish thoughts about nothing of any significance. I could also see depression and oppression were trying to settle in for the day and these foolish thoughts were just one avenue they were using to get me there. It seemed the assignment was to make my feel unhappy and hopeless.
I paused, reminded of those who have died and come back with fresh understanding and perspective on life. I remember thinking, life is so much more than these insignificant disturbances. I had to press my way a bit but I overcame, I won. I started with a purposeful smile, reminding myself the gift'ness' of this day. The honor and privilege I have in being here for a specific purpose. No matter what little impy voices try to stir, I will surpass them, I will overcome, I will smile for this day is a gift and everything I could be worrying about is really going to be alright, in its own time and way.
I also found a renewed desire to raise the love and service of those first in my house and then any I encounter today. Now that's a good day, which holds nothing but wonderful reaped benefits for me in my next journey.
My mission is to keep a genuine awe infused smile in my heart and on my face all day!
I was thinking early this morning how scripture speaks to how we can profess to love God whom we cannot see but can't find a way to love those in our lives we can see (my paraphrase of 1 John 4:20). I've read it over many times over but this morning I saw it through as applied to those in my own household. As a mother, wife and friend how can I say I love God while entertaining wasted negative thoughts about those who live in my own household? Stupid, small, selfish thoughts came waving through this morning and I thought, 'what is that noise?' Such small minded foolish thoughts about nothing of any significance. I could also see depression and oppression were trying to settle in for the day and these foolish thoughts were just one avenue they were using to get me there. It seemed the assignment was to make my feel unhappy and hopeless.
I paused, reminded of those who have died and come back with fresh understanding and perspective on life. I remember thinking, life is so much more than these insignificant disturbances. I had to press my way a bit but I overcame, I won. I started with a purposeful smile, reminding myself the gift'ness' of this day. The honor and privilege I have in being here for a specific purpose. No matter what little impy voices try to stir, I will surpass them, I will overcome, I will smile for this day is a gift and everything I could be worrying about is really going to be alright, in its own time and way.
I also found a renewed desire to raise the love and service of those first in my house and then any I encounter today. Now that's a good day, which holds nothing but wonderful reaped benefits for me in my next journey.
My mission is to keep a genuine awe infused smile in my heart and on my face all day!
Monday, January 24, 2011
God Picks up the Quietest Frequencies
I was listening to Joyce Meyer on my phone the other day and was greatly encouraged. I was using my Bible app and just perusing through different devotionals. She was speaking about having a great day (Psalms 62:1,2). This morning I was reflecting on my encouraged heart and how wonderful God's ways are which led me to be grateful and at peaceful place. It's so cool how God will feed you by meeting you at your point of need without making a big fuss about it. By that I mean, you can be whispering random thoughts to God, issuing trust declarations for movement or resolution, answers or just encouragement and as if He is listening and tuning in for faint radio frequencies He captures your thoughts.
He is such a loving caring God that He is listening for even the most faint declarations of trust, faith in His Word, His promises and Truth. Even when all circumstances appear dim and dire, He listens for those frequencies that declare He is yet God and the Word is the ultimate and final source of Truth. He wraps your thoughts in His love and sprinkles them back in your heart for strength and resolve. Without even realizing what has transpired, you soon find yourself feeling better. A soft smile spreads upon your face and all of sudden your circumstances aren't weighing you down though nothing has changed.
I am so encouraged by these moments and find them very powerful in building my relationship of mature faith and trust in God. These moments are those upon which life is built and meant to be shared.
He is such a loving caring God that He is listening for even the most faint declarations of trust, faith in His Word, His promises and Truth. Even when all circumstances appear dim and dire, He listens for those frequencies that declare He is yet God and the Word is the ultimate and final source of Truth. He wraps your thoughts in His love and sprinkles them back in your heart for strength and resolve. Without even realizing what has transpired, you soon find yourself feeling better. A soft smile spreads upon your face and all of sudden your circumstances aren't weighing you down though nothing has changed.
I am so encouraged by these moments and find them very powerful in building my relationship of mature faith and trust in God. These moments are those upon which life is built and meant to be shared.
Wednesday, January 19, 2011
I pledge..
Happy and blessed new year to all!
I, in the midst of physiological struggles pledge to write more consistently in the gift of this year 2011.
I pledge to continue to step forward beyond and through past negative experiences. I do not deny their existence or validity but neither will I allow them to cause stagnation or paralyzing fear in my gift of life. It is not what God intended or purposed. They are allowed to help build positive purposeful strength and character. They are allowed to so that I can help others. They are allowed to teach me appreciation for the things that really matter.
I pledge to walk in love, wisdom and understanding, encouraging others every opportunity given.
This is a new season ya'll, dare to embrace it, dare to live and not just exist...
Peace to all
I, in the midst of physiological struggles pledge to write more consistently in the gift of this year 2011.
I pledge to continue to step forward beyond and through past negative experiences. I do not deny their existence or validity but neither will I allow them to cause stagnation or paralyzing fear in my gift of life. It is not what God intended or purposed. They are allowed to help build positive purposeful strength and character. They are allowed to so that I can help others. They are allowed to teach me appreciation for the things that really matter.
I pledge to walk in love, wisdom and understanding, encouraging others every opportunity given.
This is a new season ya'll, dare to embrace it, dare to live and not just exist...
Peace to all
Wednesday, October 27, 2010
These Perilous Times...Were we really prepared as a nation?
I am so very grateful for everything I have right now. A roof over my head and a haven for my adult children. I drive a vehicle which was bought used. Yes, it's a Mercedes and yes it is very comfortable vehicle. We have bought all our cars used from a local auto dealer we established a good relationship with. I feel so fortunate that we have been able to purchase safe comfortable cars for our last 2 children (a 1995 BMW and 1995 Mercedes E320)when they graduated high school. Purposeful living afforded that gift. All my children are well, respectful and honorable adults. We budget with purpose and have learned to question our purchases before we make them but our bills get paid, we have food on the table and we're very fortunate to have medical benefits.
There are many families and individuals like us. The sad thing is there are many who did not receive lessons presented to get their affairs in order. Plans to live wisely eluded them. What is it they say? Failing to plan is by default a plan to fail. Again, I am not speaking to any who have been on this purposeful living course and are continually working very hard to an even more purposeful life. No matter when the realization comes to living poorly, the important thing is change courses. For our family that came in 2009. I am so very grateful we were allowed the opportunity to begin getting some things in order before our economy got real bad.
The perilous times facing so many right now is truly heart breaking. My husband and I were so humbled and sobered the other night watching 60 Minutes. There was a segment on how many well meaning people (many who had been middle and upper managers as well as executives) who's lives spiraled out of control when they lost their jobs ending well established careers. They have spent their retirement and their children's college funds in effort to keep their homes, pay bills and put food on the table. Things they might have taken a little for granted before.
The segments focus was on the 99 week policy we have for unemployment and how many have still not been able to find jobs. Their unemployement is about to run out and after almost 2 years they still have no employment. One previous executive shared how he was genuinely happy to have just been hired as a sales clerk at Target. The experience has been very humbling and somber for so many.
What is happening is devastating and it is only by the grace of God we have not met such dire circumstances. I hope what I am about to say is not found offensive but rather becomes a moment of honest reflection and hindsight. As a nation, for many years we have lived a priveleged (and some analysts say spoiled) existence. Studies show we spend the most on education while coming in about 4th worldwide on the quality and level of that education. We have advocated instant gratification and entitlement instead of earning to achieve and living with purpose and value. Spend, spend, spend, get it now. There has been a calculated move to teach us to live above our means more and more through the use of credit cards and mortgaging our homes to their well inflated limit.
As a result, one portion of those now found in devastating times are quite truthfully due to years and years of living above their means. Getting bigger houses, cars and things they really could not afford. Homes filled with stuff that now means nothing. They never thought, no matter how bad it got in the economy that they would be thinking about how they are going to eat next week. They suffer now in part from slipping into a slumber on their plan to live wisely and responsibly. Some slopes have crushed families into a pit that seems insurmountable. The slope of frivolous living we have all been on at some point.
Thankfully many are learning a new way to live and they are planning with more more wisdom and quality. It is a tough way to learn what life is truly about but the gains are tremendous.
(These thoughts stemmed from watching a segment of 60 Minutes and my devotional reading this morning. Proverbs 27:23-27 spoke to me about living purposely with a hard earned plan that when put in place faithfully will bring security through tough times. Be blessed!
There are many families and individuals like us. The sad thing is there are many who did not receive lessons presented to get their affairs in order. Plans to live wisely eluded them. What is it they say? Failing to plan is by default a plan to fail. Again, I am not speaking to any who have been on this purposeful living course and are continually working very hard to an even more purposeful life. No matter when the realization comes to living poorly, the important thing is change courses. For our family that came in 2009. I am so very grateful we were allowed the opportunity to begin getting some things in order before our economy got real bad.
The perilous times facing so many right now is truly heart breaking. My husband and I were so humbled and sobered the other night watching 60 Minutes. There was a segment on how many well meaning people (many who had been middle and upper managers as well as executives) who's lives spiraled out of control when they lost their jobs ending well established careers. They have spent their retirement and their children's college funds in effort to keep their homes, pay bills and put food on the table. Things they might have taken a little for granted before.
The segments focus was on the 99 week policy we have for unemployment and how many have still not been able to find jobs. Their unemployement is about to run out and after almost 2 years they still have no employment. One previous executive shared how he was genuinely happy to have just been hired as a sales clerk at Target. The experience has been very humbling and somber for so many.
What is happening is devastating and it is only by the grace of God we have not met such dire circumstances. I hope what I am about to say is not found offensive but rather becomes a moment of honest reflection and hindsight. As a nation, for many years we have lived a priveleged (and some analysts say spoiled) existence. Studies show we spend the most on education while coming in about 4th worldwide on the quality and level of that education. We have advocated instant gratification and entitlement instead of earning to achieve and living with purpose and value. Spend, spend, spend, get it now. There has been a calculated move to teach us to live above our means more and more through the use of credit cards and mortgaging our homes to their well inflated limit.
As a result, one portion of those now found in devastating times are quite truthfully due to years and years of living above their means. Getting bigger houses, cars and things they really could not afford. Homes filled with stuff that now means nothing. They never thought, no matter how bad it got in the economy that they would be thinking about how they are going to eat next week. They suffer now in part from slipping into a slumber on their plan to live wisely and responsibly. Some slopes have crushed families into a pit that seems insurmountable. The slope of frivolous living we have all been on at some point.
Thankfully many are learning a new way to live and they are planning with more more wisdom and quality. It is a tough way to learn what life is truly about but the gains are tremendous.
(These thoughts stemmed from watching a segment of 60 Minutes and my devotional reading this morning. Proverbs 27:23-27 spoke to me about living purposely with a hard earned plan that when put in place faithfully will bring security through tough times. Be blessed!
Daily Devotional 1
In reading Proverbs this morning, I found a scripture that backs how I have always felt about fighting. I preface my thoughts however with this - there is a time to fight and that is to defend your life or family - but this instance is really very rare. A huge majority of fights are simply temporal matters we need not be drawn into.
Let me introduce the scripture here. "Though you grind a fool in a mortar, grinding him like grain with a pestle, you will not remove his folly from him" (Proverbs 27:22/NIV). In my younger years I can't recount any fights I saw where a foolish person changed his mind because he was beat up. The victor may have won the physical fight but it did not change the venom the foolish person spewed. As a matter of fact, most fights seemed to end with the foolish person all bloodied and battered still talking hateful or opposed to the victor.
I used to say all the time, beating someone up does not change their mind. They may not be up in their opposers face but they continue their foolishness. How many times have we pulled a friend back saying, "It's not worth it". There are no truer words we could say to our friends.
Let me introduce the scripture here. "Though you grind a fool in a mortar, grinding him like grain with a pestle, you will not remove his folly from him" (Proverbs 27:22/NIV). In my younger years I can't recount any fights I saw where a foolish person changed his mind because he was beat up. The victor may have won the physical fight but it did not change the venom the foolish person spewed. As a matter of fact, most fights seemed to end with the foolish person all bloodied and battered still talking hateful or opposed to the victor.
I used to say all the time, beating someone up does not change their mind. They may not be up in their opposers face but they continue their foolishness. How many times have we pulled a friend back saying, "It's not worth it". There are no truer words we could say to our friends.
Wednesday, October 21, 2009
Fear and Faith
A friend of mine emailed my a wonderful testimonial to a new posture she is taking on. I related to it in so many ways, I asked her permission to post it here as well as my response. I hope you find some encouragement through our thoughts.
Subject: FEAR and FAITH- A Word of encouragement.
Family and Friends,
This morning in my prayer time I ask God for clarity concerning FEAR and FAITH in my life. This word of encouragement I pray will bless your spirits as it has helped mine.
For the past 2 months I have been in a battle within my mind over faith and fear. Fear of what I could not confirm to be true, fear of what I though I could not control, fear of feeling helpless, unloved, mistreated and disrespected. Not necessarily from family or friends, but as a whole. Each day I would have to dig deep, grab a bulldog hold on my faith in God, trust Him further than I could trace Him and encourage myself in the knowledge that I was right where God wanted me to be. I realized at this crossroad, the I needed to hold on to the one thing that stands the test of time, HIS WORD!
Now Faith is the substance of things hoped for, the evidence of things not seen. Heb 11:1
My faith was being tested. God was challenging me to look internally and come to the understanding that He allows such circumstances to come about in order that I might learn how to totally look to and depend upon Him. So that I can get our of self, focus my attention on His plan and accept that life is not always about me....it's about His will for my life.
I had to stop and take inventory of the things going on in my life. I work and full and part time job to support my family and pay for college. I am in school 2 nights a week working on completing my degree. I'm trying to do ministry and give him the time He deserves but it just seems like I am stretched so thin. FEAR begins to creep in and you question if you are really doing what is right for you as opposed to what God planned. FEAR tells you that you are going to fail, that you are no longer as faithful in certain aspects of your life. FEAR told me that when my boss questioned how focused I was on my job because I was not able to devote my extra time at work to push my staff that perhaps my job was in jeopardy. My boss is used to me being the very best and yes, my focus has not been as precise with the other areas pulling at my attention. At the beginning of the year I made a vow to pay off all existing debt before 12/31/09 12:59 pm. FEAR told me recently that I would not meet that goal even though I am 2 credit cards or $600.00 away from paying off all 5 that I started with at the beginning of the year. Or that I only have 5 car payments left to pay my truck off and my hope was to do it before 12/31/09 12:59 pm and the funds I though I would have by now have not manifested in the natural. FEAR told me the people I care the most about don't care the same way about me. Their absence or lack of attention somehow reflected negatively on me. FEAR was trying to take me out.
For God has not given us the spirit of fear, but of power, love and a sound mind. 2 Timothy 1:7
I HAD TO OVERCOME FEAR. I had to decide for myself that God can remove it all from around me and I would still have faith in HIS plan, purpose and will for my life. I had to stop listening to that little imp whispering words of defeat into my ear gate, and declare that God controlled my destiny and not Valarie, family, friends, co-worker, finances, school or my children.
If we examine FEAR we see that F=Faith. What we allow to enter our EAR gate takes up residence in our mind and feeds our soul. The only way to combat that is by having faith in what God says and not what others say. I was not clearly listing to God though this time.... otherwise I would have heard him saying "I've Got this Val, step back and let me be GOD!."
As a man thinketh in his heart, so is he. Proverbs 23:7 The more I allowed myself to listen to the distractions, the more they took residence in my mind. As I pondered them, the more focused I became on trying to understand and fix what I thought was broken. The more I tried to fix what I thought was broken the more FEAR consumed me. I was fearful in what my natural eye thought was true instead of trusting my spiritual eye, asking God to reveal the truth and then stand on His will for my life. I was in need of a transfusion for my mind.
When I accepted God's promise though that one simple statement (and it took some kicking and screaming and tons of tears on my part), I realized my lack of trust and faith was causing my fears to manifest in the natural.
God took me into the word and reminded me that David was anointed some 20 years before He allowed him to rule. That all of David's brothers, Jesse's sone, were in the eyes of others more suitable to reign, it was about Gods plan. When He has a plan for our lives it is on purpose. We may not see it, we seldom understand fully, but we must trust through faith in HIM that HIS plan will come to pass.
I've been fortunate to see God's word manifest in the lives of others around me and I am so excited for their blessings because I realize His timing is everything. You see when you do it right, God will bless it right. There have been times and circumstances I've found myself dealing with that I've questioned God's plan and purpose over my life. Some days I wonder how much longer...and God reminds me to not be weary in well doing. I have learned that when I place my focus on things I desire as opposed to the things God demands I begin to doubt and wonder and allow my focus to be shifted. When I take myself out of the equation, re-align myself to His will, I no longer fear the who, what, when, where, why and how but instead embrace HIS timing.
I have to remove myself from certain environments that make me question who I am in Christ and what my worth is.
Just like David, people often times don't recognize greatness in others. It takes a Godly eye to see the purpose and hand of God at work. David was selected from among his older brothers who looked the role but didn't have the anointing. God is only looking for a willing vessel, someone willing to yield to his command. To do so, you have to live and operate in faith. You can not fear where He is taking you, or question the path you are on.
I took the revelation as a way of clearing the clutter in my head and asked God to clear my heart of whatever had taken root to make me question HIM.
I know many of you are struggling, questioning God about why you are in the place you are in. How much longer will you struggle? Why the people you love the most have the tendency to hurt you with a far greater force than those outside of your inner circle. I've been asking God this for weeks now. What God has finally revealed to me is:
Valarie: Let GO!
Valarie: Love Me!
Valarie: Trust and Rely on Me!
Valarie: I see where you are and I know where you'd like to be but I am preparing you!
Valarie: You've had to depend on you most of your life. Now learn to depend on Me!
Valarie: If I took it all away, would you still trust and praise me?
Valarie: I know the thought I think toward you. Thoughts of peace and not evil to give you an expected end. When I set the ball in motion, all you will have to do is walk into your purpose. I am teaching you to be flexible, allowing your roots to grow firm like the palm tree so as the storms arise, you will have the ability to bend in the mist of the storm without being uprooted. I am perfecting your faith, removing all fears, establishing my hold on you and forcing you to walk, live and move by and in faith! Most of all, I am allowing others to see how you go through this storm so when you come out, it will be a testimony to what I've invested in you. I've never been closer to you, and I will never leave you!
God gives this to me the same as He would to you. I pray you are blessed and encouraged by this word. Don't lose sight of your faith, do lose faith in God, don't lose God through Fear and don't Fear change. You've waited this long...You'd better get ready, Payday is coming after awhile!
This and other postings are available at the Damascus website listed below. I pray you are encouraged.
Minister Valarie Williams,
Damascus Road Ministry
www.damascusroadministry.com
My reply was as follows:
Great timely words! I thank God for who He is and His awesome understanding, Love and ever-Presence with us. Your prayerful words mirror my life as I am sure they do many others. I thank you for your unction to express and share your prayers - they r not received over deaf ears and your effort is not in vain. How lovely and awesome is our God!
Be encouraged but more so determine to keep loose from the old weights that once laid heavy on your shoulders and heart - its time for you and me to be free while spirit led for the battle is not ours and our steps R ordered (and backed up) by God.
Have a wonderful day to all who stop by and read today's blog!
cTracy
Subject: FEAR and FAITH- A Word of encouragement.
Family and Friends,
This morning in my prayer time I ask God for clarity concerning FEAR and FAITH in my life. This word of encouragement I pray will bless your spirits as it has helped mine.
For the past 2 months I have been in a battle within my mind over faith and fear. Fear of what I could not confirm to be true, fear of what I though I could not control, fear of feeling helpless, unloved, mistreated and disrespected. Not necessarily from family or friends, but as a whole. Each day I would have to dig deep, grab a bulldog hold on my faith in God, trust Him further than I could trace Him and encourage myself in the knowledge that I was right where God wanted me to be. I realized at this crossroad, the I needed to hold on to the one thing that stands the test of time, HIS WORD!
Now Faith is the substance of things hoped for, the evidence of things not seen. Heb 11:1
My faith was being tested. God was challenging me to look internally and come to the understanding that He allows such circumstances to come about in order that I might learn how to totally look to and depend upon Him. So that I can get our of self, focus my attention on His plan and accept that life is not always about me....it's about His will for my life.
I had to stop and take inventory of the things going on in my life. I work and full and part time job to support my family and pay for college. I am in school 2 nights a week working on completing my degree. I'm trying to do ministry and give him the time He deserves but it just seems like I am stretched so thin. FEAR begins to creep in and you question if you are really doing what is right for you as opposed to what God planned. FEAR tells you that you are going to fail, that you are no longer as faithful in certain aspects of your life. FEAR told me that when my boss questioned how focused I was on my job because I was not able to devote my extra time at work to push my staff that perhaps my job was in jeopardy. My boss is used to me being the very best and yes, my focus has not been as precise with the other areas pulling at my attention. At the beginning of the year I made a vow to pay off all existing debt before 12/31/09 12:59 pm. FEAR told me recently that I would not meet that goal even though I am 2 credit cards or $600.00 away from paying off all 5 that I started with at the beginning of the year. Or that I only have 5 car payments left to pay my truck off and my hope was to do it before 12/31/09 12:59 pm and the funds I though I would have by now have not manifested in the natural. FEAR told me the people I care the most about don't care the same way about me. Their absence or lack of attention somehow reflected negatively on me. FEAR was trying to take me out.
For God has not given us the spirit of fear, but of power, love and a sound mind. 2 Timothy 1:7
I HAD TO OVERCOME FEAR. I had to decide for myself that God can remove it all from around me and I would still have faith in HIS plan, purpose and will for my life. I had to stop listening to that little imp whispering words of defeat into my ear gate, and declare that God controlled my destiny and not Valarie, family, friends, co-worker, finances, school or my children.
If we examine FEAR we see that F=Faith. What we allow to enter our EAR gate takes up residence in our mind and feeds our soul. The only way to combat that is by having faith in what God says and not what others say. I was not clearly listing to God though this time.... otherwise I would have heard him saying "I've Got this Val, step back and let me be GOD!."
As a man thinketh in his heart, so is he. Proverbs 23:7 The more I allowed myself to listen to the distractions, the more they took residence in my mind. As I pondered them, the more focused I became on trying to understand and fix what I thought was broken. The more I tried to fix what I thought was broken the more FEAR consumed me. I was fearful in what my natural eye thought was true instead of trusting my spiritual eye, asking God to reveal the truth and then stand on His will for my life. I was in need of a transfusion for my mind.
When I accepted God's promise though that one simple statement (and it took some kicking and screaming and tons of tears on my part), I realized my lack of trust and faith was causing my fears to manifest in the natural.
God took me into the word and reminded me that David was anointed some 20 years before He allowed him to rule. That all of David's brothers, Jesse's sone, were in the eyes of others more suitable to reign, it was about Gods plan. When He has a plan for our lives it is on purpose. We may not see it, we seldom understand fully, but we must trust through faith in HIM that HIS plan will come to pass.
I've been fortunate to see God's word manifest in the lives of others around me and I am so excited for their blessings because I realize His timing is everything. You see when you do it right, God will bless it right. There have been times and circumstances I've found myself dealing with that I've questioned God's plan and purpose over my life. Some days I wonder how much longer...and God reminds me to not be weary in well doing. I have learned that when I place my focus on things I desire as opposed to the things God demands I begin to doubt and wonder and allow my focus to be shifted. When I take myself out of the equation, re-align myself to His will, I no longer fear the who, what, when, where, why and how but instead embrace HIS timing.
I have to remove myself from certain environments that make me question who I am in Christ and what my worth is.
Just like David, people often times don't recognize greatness in others. It takes a Godly eye to see the purpose and hand of God at work. David was selected from among his older brothers who looked the role but didn't have the anointing. God is only looking for a willing vessel, someone willing to yield to his command. To do so, you have to live and operate in faith. You can not fear where He is taking you, or question the path you are on.
I took the revelation as a way of clearing the clutter in my head and asked God to clear my heart of whatever had taken root to make me question HIM.
I know many of you are struggling, questioning God about why you are in the place you are in. How much longer will you struggle? Why the people you love the most have the tendency to hurt you with a far greater force than those outside of your inner circle. I've been asking God this for weeks now. What God has finally revealed to me is:
Valarie: Let GO!
Valarie: Love Me!
Valarie: Trust and Rely on Me!
Valarie: I see where you are and I know where you'd like to be but I am preparing you!
Valarie: You've had to depend on you most of your life. Now learn to depend on Me!
Valarie: If I took it all away, would you still trust and praise me?
Valarie: I know the thought I think toward you. Thoughts of peace and not evil to give you an expected end. When I set the ball in motion, all you will have to do is walk into your purpose. I am teaching you to be flexible, allowing your roots to grow firm like the palm tree so as the storms arise, you will have the ability to bend in the mist of the storm without being uprooted. I am perfecting your faith, removing all fears, establishing my hold on you and forcing you to walk, live and move by and in faith! Most of all, I am allowing others to see how you go through this storm so when you come out, it will be a testimony to what I've invested in you. I've never been closer to you, and I will never leave you!
God gives this to me the same as He would to you. I pray you are blessed and encouraged by this word. Don't lose sight of your faith, do lose faith in God, don't lose God through Fear and don't Fear change. You've waited this long...You'd better get ready, Payday is coming after awhile!
This and other postings are available at the Damascus website listed below. I pray you are encouraged.
Minister Valarie Williams,
Damascus Road Ministry
www.damascusroadministry.com
My reply was as follows:
Great timely words! I thank God for who He is and His awesome understanding, Love and ever-Presence with us. Your prayerful words mirror my life as I am sure they do many others. I thank you for your unction to express and share your prayers - they r not received over deaf ears and your effort is not in vain. How lovely and awesome is our God!
Be encouraged but more so determine to keep loose from the old weights that once laid heavy on your shoulders and heart - its time for you and me to be free while spirit led for the battle is not ours and our steps R ordered (and backed up) by God.
Have a wonderful day to all who stop by and read today's blog!
cTracy
Saturday, May 16, 2009
Prepared Goodness
A reflection on Psalm 31:19
(NKJV) "O how great is Your goodness, which You have laid up for those who fear You, which you have prepared for those who trust in You in the presence of the sons of men."
Psalm 31:19 infers through the word prepared that in secret God has a habitual practice of storing up goodness (favor, good deeds, lovingkindness) for those who reverence Him in the presence of the 'sons of men' i.e. here on earth.
A reflection on Psalm 16:7-9
(NKJV) "I will bless the Lord who has given me counsel; my heart also instructs me in the night seasons. I have set the Lord always before me; because He is at my right hand I shall not be moved. Therefore my heart is glad, and my glory rejoices; my flesh also will rest in hope."
As a result of blessing God for counsel and direction during difficult dark seasons or circumstances AND putting Him first in consideration before making any moves...
His strength and power keep me stable and secure
My heart (my spirit man, inner most being, the 'who I am' part of me)
My glory rejoices (my countenance, my mood re-joices - is continually reminded and filled with a joyous contentment and peace)
My flesh rests in hope (my mind, intellect and emotions - the place where decisions are made and where 'worrying' happens)
Be blessed and encouraged!
(NKJV) "O how great is Your goodness, which You have laid up for those who fear You, which you have prepared for those who trust in You in the presence of the sons of men."
Psalm 31:19 infers through the word prepared that in secret God has a habitual practice of storing up goodness (favor, good deeds, lovingkindness) for those who reverence Him in the presence of the 'sons of men' i.e. here on earth.
A reflection on Psalm 16:7-9
(NKJV) "I will bless the Lord who has given me counsel; my heart also instructs me in the night seasons. I have set the Lord always before me; because He is at my right hand I shall not be moved. Therefore my heart is glad, and my glory rejoices; my flesh also will rest in hope."
As a result of blessing God for counsel and direction during difficult dark seasons or circumstances AND putting Him first in consideration before making any moves...
His strength and power keep me stable and secure
My heart (my spirit man, inner most being, the 'who I am' part of me)
My glory rejoices (my countenance, my mood re-joices - is continually reminded and filled with a joyous contentment and peace)
My flesh rests in hope (my mind, intellect and emotions - the place where decisions are made and where 'worrying' happens)
Be blessed and encouraged!
Monday, April 13, 2009
Each Season, Each Step
Life is a connection of seasons. Some long, some short, some temporary, some permanent and evolving.
This understanding is so important to keep us from living a wandering life, a life that takes us around 'the same mountain' day after day, month after month, year after year.
I am grateful for having learned this lesson - finally. Awareness, understanding, acceptance and planning are key to a life of meaning and fulfillment. A life lived, a life in which one actively participated rather than standing on the sidelines being goaded and pushed to experience life on the field.
Recently having finished a very difficult and challenging season, there were times I was not sure I had what it takes not only to finish, but to fulfill the purpose for which I felt led to pursue the path.
Since having a short couple of weeks, my faith, soul and spirit slowly rejuvinating - I am able to see the how and why God put the desire within me. As I look forward to a full and complete refreshing of my life, I look forward to the steps on toward the next season.
Do I have trepidation about the course? Naturally so, it is par for any course in the beginning stages. My strength growing each day and week keeps me focused and assured that I am right where I am supposed to be. Some days better than others unable to cut through my determination are teaching me the importance of pace.
Within each season, one of the most important points I am gaining in my higher lesson of patience is the significance of pacing yourself. I liken it to the lesson Joyce Meyer taught us in her teaching of 'enjoying the journey'. So as I enter into this new season, I am determined to enjoy the journey with each step no matter what it brings. With God's continual partnership and presence, I know all thing will be well
Blessing and Honor, Tracy
This understanding is so important to keep us from living a wandering life, a life that takes us around 'the same mountain' day after day, month after month, year after year.
I am grateful for having learned this lesson - finally. Awareness, understanding, acceptance and planning are key to a life of meaning and fulfillment. A life lived, a life in which one actively participated rather than standing on the sidelines being goaded and pushed to experience life on the field.
Recently having finished a very difficult and challenging season, there were times I was not sure I had what it takes not only to finish, but to fulfill the purpose for which I felt led to pursue the path.
Since having a short couple of weeks, my faith, soul and spirit slowly rejuvinating - I am able to see the how and why God put the desire within me. As I look forward to a full and complete refreshing of my life, I look forward to the steps on toward the next season.
Do I have trepidation about the course? Naturally so, it is par for any course in the beginning stages. My strength growing each day and week keeps me focused and assured that I am right where I am supposed to be. Some days better than others unable to cut through my determination are teaching me the importance of pace.
Within each season, one of the most important points I am gaining in my higher lesson of patience is the significance of pacing yourself. I liken it to the lesson Joyce Meyer taught us in her teaching of 'enjoying the journey'. So as I enter into this new season, I am determined to enjoy the journey with each step no matter what it brings. With God's continual partnership and presence, I know all thing will be well
Blessing and Honor, Tracy
Sunday, April 12, 2009
Happy 'Easter' Resurrection Day to all!
Just feeling my resurrection and reviving from the two years I worked a double career and earned a master's! I made it ya'll! I thought I was going to finish my last paper and jump off into life again. Not! Lol!
I am as I write taking an extended reprieve in a whole other state away from my usual surroundings. Yes - I'm here to handle some important business but also to reconnect with myself. So far so good, I am beginning to fill with energy once again.
We all need to get away from time to time when we've accomplished something major or even when we've been working at life hard and tirelessly without a respite. We can be no strength or love to our family, work or passion without it.
It's best to find a place that hss a total different pace and scene so you can be truly be refreshed. We often feel we cannot somehow afford it but in reality we can't afford not to do it.
Peace, Purpose, Power and Love to all! Take time for you!
Just feeling my resurrection and reviving from the two years I worked a double career and earned a master's! I made it ya'll! I thought I was going to finish my last paper and jump off into life again. Not! Lol!
I am as I write taking an extended reprieve in a whole other state away from my usual surroundings. Yes - I'm here to handle some important business but also to reconnect with myself. So far so good, I am beginning to fill with energy once again.
We all need to get away from time to time when we've accomplished something major or even when we've been working at life hard and tirelessly without a respite. We can be no strength or love to our family, work or passion without it.
It's best to find a place that hss a total different pace and scene so you can be truly be refreshed. We often feel we cannot somehow afford it but in reality we can't afford not to do it.
Peace, Purpose, Power and Love to all! Take time for you!
Saturday, January 31, 2009
I found this statement a fellow classmate so profound, I had to write about it. She was speaking of Australia and how beautiful it was. Her statement about it was, "it must be visited at least once in the course of life."
That impacted me heavily as I see how it can be applied to the fabric of our lives. I believe we all have preordained experiences that we must visit at least once in the course of our life. They are written into our 'personal life book' for divine purposes we may or may not ever come to know or understand. Strategically placed on different life journeys with specificity on our paths. Whether or not we engage the experience to its fullness is left up to us.
To the degree of our 'visit' and embracing of the experiences our lives are altered, redirected and enriched in a way most of us will not realize. Nevertheless they are vital points in our lives I think we should not miss, whether they are positive or negative, big or small, happy or sad. To live the life we were meant to in all its completeness each of these experiences must be visited at least once in the course of our lives.
That impacted me heavily as I see how it can be applied to the fabric of our lives. I believe we all have preordained experiences that we must visit at least once in the course of our life. They are written into our 'personal life book' for divine purposes we may or may not ever come to know or understand. Strategically placed on different life journeys with specificity on our paths. Whether or not we engage the experience to its fullness is left up to us.
To the degree of our 'visit' and embracing of the experiences our lives are altered, redirected and enriched in a way most of us will not realize. Nevertheless they are vital points in our lives I think we should not miss, whether they are positive or negative, big or small, happy or sad. To live the life we were meant to in all its completeness each of these experiences must be visited at least once in the course of our lives.
Monday, December 29, 2008
What time is it?
It's time to understand life is larger than you.
It's time to understand we only have one time to walk this path.
It's time to understand the eternal and generational consequences of your actions.
It's time to understand the greater is in giving not receiving.
It's time to understand the power of joy and generosity.
It's time to understand the power of helping others.
It's time to understand the most important moment is right now.
It's time to understand there are no do overs once the words have been spoken.
It's time to understand your way is not necessarily the only way and you could just be wrong - totally wrong.
It's time to understand the power of grace, mercy and forgiveness.
It's time to understand the joy of pure silliness and laughter.
It's time to understand change is of God and a good thing, a very good thing.
It's time ... time for understanding ... time to grow up - finally and stop blaming others for choices you made.
That's what time it is...
It's time to understand we only have one time to walk this path.
It's time to understand the eternal and generational consequences of your actions.
It's time to understand the greater is in giving not receiving.
It's time to understand the power of joy and generosity.
It's time to understand the power of helping others.
It's time to understand the most important moment is right now.
It's time to understand there are no do overs once the words have been spoken.
It's time to understand your way is not necessarily the only way and you could just be wrong - totally wrong.
It's time to understand the power of grace, mercy and forgiveness.
It's time to understand the joy of pure silliness and laughter.
It's time to understand change is of God and a good thing, a very good thing.
It's time ... time for understanding ... time to grow up - finally and stop blaming others for choices you made.
That's what time it is...
Thursday, October 23, 2008
Each day IS a brand new day...
Sometimes I have to remind myself that each day truly is a brand new day. I do not have to carry yesterday into today. I do not have to worry about what tomorrow is going to no doubt bring. I can enjoy this day for the day that it is all by itself.
What happened yesterday does not have to dampen what it is available for me today. What might happen tomorrow cannot cloud my ability to live fully in this day.
I will not generalize what happens today to mean nothing is working in my life. I will not let one event mar my mood clouding my positive sense of self. My life is 'a good thing' because I am a good thing.
By God's divine will, purpose and destiny are meeting together today and giving me every opportunity to experience the comfort of His Presence and Power. I am set to achieve, create and accomplish wellness, results and experience vitality of life.
I am who God says I am; I can do what He has I can do and because of that, this truly is a brand new day.
What happened yesterday does not have to dampen what it is available for me today. What might happen tomorrow cannot cloud my ability to live fully in this day.
I will not generalize what happens today to mean nothing is working in my life. I will not let one event mar my mood clouding my positive sense of self. My life is 'a good thing' because I am a good thing.
By God's divine will, purpose and destiny are meeting together today and giving me every opportunity to experience the comfort of His Presence and Power. I am set to achieve, create and accomplish wellness, results and experience vitality of life.
I am who God says I am; I can do what He has I can do and because of that, this truly is a brand new day.
Tuesday, October 21, 2008
Sabbatical Journeys reveal themselves one day at a time..
It has been quite a while since I have taken the time to write. I have missed it. So much is going on in and around my life. So much is going on in the world. I have had low times but I fought hard to maintain my desire to exist until I could connect with my desire for purpose and destiny once again. Those days have been few, thank God. Yet they earned me another day and time to reflect on how awesome God is - when nothing feels right, looks right or sounds right.
I've had so many moments where I felt God's active presence divinely guiding me with concrete evidence. Like He was softly telling me "I'm still intimately here with you, I still love you dear heart". Those moments come when I need them the most and expect them the least. They give me courage to arise and breathe in His strength, His Loving presence. During this sabbatical journey I am learning even more about His Love, His powerful promises and how no matter what comes they are still true and powerful – they breathe such Life into me.
Just by choosing to live I am earning a higher appreciation for His Word, His Will and His Way. Just choosing to live through this sabbatical journey I am earning a stronger, deeper understanding and outlook on the possibilities a believer's life holds if they stand strong in the face of their own life traps as well as tradition, unbelief and universal blindness. This Way is only offered to those whose convictions in God cannot be uprooted, though tried and tested - sway they may - but always returning to rest, still rooted and grounded.
Sabbatical journeys reveal how experiencing true rest only comes from being one with Matthew 11:29 and Psalm 16:9. I want to continue but other life assignments await me, like my MBA paper for one! It feels good to my soul to write this… Yes, this is well to my soul… I am learning some things, like this divinely appointed sabbatical journey reveal their purpose one day at a time. Perhaps that is the point…
I've had so many moments where I felt God's active presence divinely guiding me with concrete evidence. Like He was softly telling me "I'm still intimately here with you, I still love you dear heart". Those moments come when I need them the most and expect them the least. They give me courage to arise and breathe in His strength, His Loving presence. During this sabbatical journey I am learning even more about His Love, His powerful promises and how no matter what comes they are still true and powerful – they breathe such Life into me.
Just by choosing to live I am earning a higher appreciation for His Word, His Will and His Way. Just choosing to live through this sabbatical journey I am earning a stronger, deeper understanding and outlook on the possibilities a believer's life holds if they stand strong in the face of their own life traps as well as tradition, unbelief and universal blindness. This Way is only offered to those whose convictions in God cannot be uprooted, though tried and tested - sway they may - but always returning to rest, still rooted and grounded.
Sabbatical journeys reveal how experiencing true rest only comes from being one with Matthew 11:29 and Psalm 16:9. I want to continue but other life assignments await me, like my MBA paper for one! It feels good to my soul to write this… Yes, this is well to my soul… I am learning some things, like this divinely appointed sabbatical journey reveal their purpose one day at a time. Perhaps that is the point…
Tuesday, July 22, 2008
Real ness in Christ
Real ness in Christ...what came to your mind when you read that? The past several weeks have caused me to reflect on just that as I have been on assignment which birthed the start of my business 'All Things R Possible'. As a woman of God I have no doubt of His divine presence, for sanity and faith persisted when they should have ceased to exist.
One will discover how ‘real’ their relationship with Christ is as Lord and Savior when He throws such curveballs into the game it spins the batter at every attempt to hit it. If the ‘batter’ is not properly prepared, the curveballs will either hit the batter due to wild swinging attempts or leave them dazed staring unbelieving and confounded.
The Word is our main source for preparation and maturity. How ‘one’ you are with the Word becomes plainly evident when you are divinely assigned to a journey that disrupts any normalcy or pattern to your life. Fellowship and His corporate presence become precious as you are no longer able to go to the house of God whenever you want to. This spins a whole new light of understanding and praise when you do get to go to service.
If you truly have surrendered your life to Christ, this type of journey will cause you to seek God with an urgent desire to make sure His presence and purpose is with you daily. The level of true fear or reverence for God you have will show clearly. What you stand on, believe in and live for will be tested. It is kin to the bold one who no longer has his group around as a safety net and support.
When God’s season for you is such as this, it is of course for good, for purpose, and maturity. It tests our ‘real’ ness in Christ outside the four walls of comfort and familiarity. Yet how else will He mature us so that we will “always be ready to give a defense to everyone who asks (us) a reason for the hope that is in you, with meekness and fear” (1 Peter 3:15). We learn of what mind we really are, “finally, all of you be of one mind, having compassion for one another; love as brothers, be tenderhearted, be courteous” (1 Peter 3:8).
This place is where you discover whether your confession and surrender to God’s purpose and glory is true, built upon the Truth and chief cornerstone, namely Christ. “For it is the God who commanded light to shine out of darkness, who has shone in our hearts to give the light of the knowledge of the glory of God in the face of Jesus Christ” (2 Corinthians 4:18).
Through this time, I have cherished the more His Word, His Will and His Way. I, who by His grace through faith have been “made alive” no longer embracing my own way, “fulfilling the desires of the flesh and of the mind”. I am now “His workmanship, created in Christ Jesus for good works which God (not by my own hand and purpose) prepared beforehand that (I) should walk in them” (Ephesians 2).
Do I miss my now cherished times of regular and scheduled fellowship? Yes!! I fully believe God knows that – understands the tugs of my heart – but more than that He must also know that no matter what – I understand it is for Him and “in Him I live and move and have my being” (Acts 17:28).
One will discover how ‘real’ their relationship with Christ is as Lord and Savior when He throws such curveballs into the game it spins the batter at every attempt to hit it. If the ‘batter’ is not properly prepared, the curveballs will either hit the batter due to wild swinging attempts or leave them dazed staring unbelieving and confounded.
The Word is our main source for preparation and maturity. How ‘one’ you are with the Word becomes plainly evident when you are divinely assigned to a journey that disrupts any normalcy or pattern to your life. Fellowship and His corporate presence become precious as you are no longer able to go to the house of God whenever you want to. This spins a whole new light of understanding and praise when you do get to go to service.
If you truly have surrendered your life to Christ, this type of journey will cause you to seek God with an urgent desire to make sure His presence and purpose is with you daily. The level of true fear or reverence for God you have will show clearly. What you stand on, believe in and live for will be tested. It is kin to the bold one who no longer has his group around as a safety net and support.
When God’s season for you is such as this, it is of course for good, for purpose, and maturity. It tests our ‘real’ ness in Christ outside the four walls of comfort and familiarity. Yet how else will He mature us so that we will “always be ready to give a defense to everyone who asks (us) a reason for the hope that is in you, with meekness and fear” (1 Peter 3:15). We learn of what mind we really are, “finally, all of you be of one mind, having compassion for one another; love as brothers, be tenderhearted, be courteous” (1 Peter 3:8).
This place is where you discover whether your confession and surrender to God’s purpose and glory is true, built upon the Truth and chief cornerstone, namely Christ. “For it is the God who commanded light to shine out of darkness, who has shone in our hearts to give the light of the knowledge of the glory of God in the face of Jesus Christ” (2 Corinthians 4:18).
Through this time, I have cherished the more His Word, His Will and His Way. I, who by His grace through faith have been “made alive” no longer embracing my own way, “fulfilling the desires of the flesh and of the mind”. I am now “His workmanship, created in Christ Jesus for good works which God (not by my own hand and purpose) prepared beforehand that (I) should walk in them” (Ephesians 2).
Do I miss my now cherished times of regular and scheduled fellowship? Yes!! I fully believe God knows that – understands the tugs of my heart – but more than that He must also know that no matter what – I understand it is for Him and “in Him I live and move and have my being” (Acts 17:28).
Tuesday, June 17, 2008
Your Conversation
What Is Your Conversation About?
… and just why are you speaking?
In my devotion time today Proverbs 17:27 penetrated my thoughts deeply. It states, “He who has knowledge spares his words, and a man of understanding is of a calm spirit” (NKJV). I rummaged through my closet of memories to review my own ‘style’ or manner of speaking. In a short time I concluded two basic things myself.
The first was how misunderstood a person can be if they take up what I consider the worlds’ norms – speak freely without constraint and making sure your ‘voice’ on a matter is expressed. The idea many times, as I have experienced it, is if you don’t say much when in a group or gathering of people, you are perceived as ‘less intelligent’ a shy babe if you will not yet matured enough to engage in conversations imparting your wisdom and experience.
I can think of countless times in group conversations with everyone having their say or giving their ‘take’ on the matter. Speaking with many words they share their opinions as concrete truths seen through a conglomeration of tunnels of self experiences. Listening quietly so many times, I hear with an ear of understanding that comes only from transparent courageous living.
Life has taught me well not to speak to swiftly or with an ignorant confidence on what ‘I think’ about someone else’s behavior, life circumstances of choice of decisions. It is now as if I instinctively shrink my own conclusions because of the many times I thought I would never be found doing this or having done that. Life has verified the Word is absolutely true and unchanging. Once you have lived enough life with wisdom and honest self discovery, the less you are to make a judgment on many things.
I have heard it said, “the older you get, the less you know.” I would add the older you get, the less quick you are to boldly assert your position or opinion as an accurate truth. I have many thoughts and opinions on matters and have learned to use wisdom and understanding in how and when I express them. In a nutshell what is it the Word caused me to reflect upon? Don’t be so quick to share what you (think) you know.
Don’t always be the one who ‘has the answer’ or the one whose voice is always heard. This brings me to the second reflection I came to this morning and that is the second half of Proverbs 17:27, “and a man of understanding is of a calm spirit.” Being the quiet one should not be concluded as being unlearned or uninformed. Neither should being on the slow side to speak in a group be seen as one who is devoid of understanding.
So many times I have been mistaken for being passive and simple because I am ‘shy’ or quiet in groups. Then later when I have had opportunity to speak with them one on one or they do finally hear me speak in a group, they always share how surprised and mistaken they were in their perception of me. I have done the same thing. There is one woman I know who is much like me in a group, she rarely speaks and spends most of her time listening. Then I had the privilege of hearing her ‘preach’ one Sunday morning. I was floored by her ability and gifting to share the Word. The presence of God filled the sanctuary and many eyes, minds and hearts received great revelation, healing and deliverance.
When she was through, she became that quiet serene and calm woman again but once again the Lord proved ‘never judge a book by its cover’ for until you read it for yourself, you have no clue the jewels of healing and transformation it possesses for your life.
… and just why are you speaking?
In my devotion time today Proverbs 17:27 penetrated my thoughts deeply. It states, “He who has knowledge spares his words, and a man of understanding is of a calm spirit” (NKJV). I rummaged through my closet of memories to review my own ‘style’ or manner of speaking. In a short time I concluded two basic things myself.
The first was how misunderstood a person can be if they take up what I consider the worlds’ norms – speak freely without constraint and making sure your ‘voice’ on a matter is expressed. The idea many times, as I have experienced it, is if you don’t say much when in a group or gathering of people, you are perceived as ‘less intelligent’ a shy babe if you will not yet matured enough to engage in conversations imparting your wisdom and experience.
I can think of countless times in group conversations with everyone having their say or giving their ‘take’ on the matter. Speaking with many words they share their opinions as concrete truths seen through a conglomeration of tunnels of self experiences. Listening quietly so many times, I hear with an ear of understanding that comes only from transparent courageous living.
Life has taught me well not to speak to swiftly or with an ignorant confidence on what ‘I think’ about someone else’s behavior, life circumstances of choice of decisions. It is now as if I instinctively shrink my own conclusions because of the many times I thought I would never be found doing this or having done that. Life has verified the Word is absolutely true and unchanging. Once you have lived enough life with wisdom and honest self discovery, the less you are to make a judgment on many things.
I have heard it said, “the older you get, the less you know.” I would add the older you get, the less quick you are to boldly assert your position or opinion as an accurate truth. I have many thoughts and opinions on matters and have learned to use wisdom and understanding in how and when I express them. In a nutshell what is it the Word caused me to reflect upon? Don’t be so quick to share what you (think) you know.
Don’t always be the one who ‘has the answer’ or the one whose voice is always heard. This brings me to the second reflection I came to this morning and that is the second half of Proverbs 17:27, “and a man of understanding is of a calm spirit.” Being the quiet one should not be concluded as being unlearned or uninformed. Neither should being on the slow side to speak in a group be seen as one who is devoid of understanding.
So many times I have been mistaken for being passive and simple because I am ‘shy’ or quiet in groups. Then later when I have had opportunity to speak with them one on one or they do finally hear me speak in a group, they always share how surprised and mistaken they were in their perception of me. I have done the same thing. There is one woman I know who is much like me in a group, she rarely speaks and spends most of her time listening. Then I had the privilege of hearing her ‘preach’ one Sunday morning. I was floored by her ability and gifting to share the Word. The presence of God filled the sanctuary and many eyes, minds and hearts received great revelation, healing and deliverance.
When she was through, she became that quiet serene and calm woman again but once again the Lord proved ‘never judge a book by its cover’ for until you read it for yourself, you have no clue the jewels of healing and transformation it possesses for your life.
Monday, February 18, 2008
I feel so blessed. I was just browsing some topics of another blog and one of the topics caught my eye. I haven't even read it yet but felt a need to jot my thoughts down before they left me. There is a difference unbeknownst to many between being insecure and having insecurities. All of us have insecurities. Not all of us are insecure. I started this blog with feeling blessed. I said this because I know I am secure in myself. I enjoy my own company. I honor and humbly cherish my God-given strengths and weaknesses. I love the 'me' I was created to be. This leads me to the unavoidable journey we all have to travel and that is one of insecurities. Our insecurities are best seen as a tool of discovery that if allowed will lead us to a more mature place.
Unfortunately, so many have been taught to hide their insecurities instead of revealing them. To reveal them and share them in a safe environment is to take the 'wind out of their sails'. They can no longer be a force holding us back from discovering the beauty of who we are created to be. I learned this several years ago and it was so freeing. I discovered revealing an insecurity empowered me! Once that ball got rolling, sharing my inner self and my life's struggles became a wonderful experience. Sharing who you are is one of the most powerful experiences. I believe this is exactly why God brings specific and unique trials to each one of us. For the purpose of sharing and helping others. This is the very reason we will have to deal with insecurities until we pass from this earth.
As you let go of insecurities and fears more and more trusting God with your life, you will find that He shows you a more excellent Way to overcome. This Way is found in His Word. Each time you "do" the Word from a place of faith (with a clean heart), you gain inner strength. The type of inner strength which brings serenity no man can disturb. This is the place of being secure that I mentioned in the beginning of this blog. A security that can stand calm in the face of craziness. Many mistake this for passiveness or weakness. At first, for me I wanted to defend myself as I was seen this way. I wanted to say, "I am not weak nor am I passive. I am merely not threatened by you." This was a grueling season for me to say the least but I made it.
After some time I began to feel sorrow for others who felt they had to manipulate, demean, or be controlling. The more solid you are in your sense of security, the more compassion you develop. The Love of God has grown to such a dimension within that the misperception and abusive manner is of no consequence to who you are. The 'who you are' is rooted in Christ not man; in agape Love which transcends the natural realm. You are no longer tossed to and fro as a tumbleweed down a long stretch of highway on a hot summer day. You are now the more like a grand palm tree that sways with the fiercest winds while retaining its original position, firmly rooted in the ground.
I feel so blessed. I know who I am. I am secure. I am so secure that I am unafraid to deal with my insecurities. I am confident and full of courage that what life holds for me I can handle. Will all be easy? No. Will there be challenges up ahead? Of course. I just know that I have something very precious and powerful in knowing and loving me.
2008 – The year of new beginnings and what a new beginning it has been. In a conversation with a friend recently she mentioned how God didn't say
what KIND of new beginning it would be! I had to think for a moment but soon realized she had a valid point.
It would be just like God to start out the year of new beginnings with some gut wrenching turmoil – that started late last year. Almost as if a testing of our commitment and faith in Him, to see if we would still believe, still stand on His Word.
Just a few days ago though I sensed a shift was about to take place. I remember feeling the heavy spirit of sadness or impending doom that had mysteriously been weighting me down the past couple of weeks was gone. It was like feeling a distinct lightness in my spirit and whole being.
Today God confirmed it through the Word preached at church. Our Pastor spoke of a shift taking place and that God is getting us ready for our next assignment, move and mandate. He also said God is about to make a kingdom deposit but only for those who had order in their lives.
Holding on these past several weeks of 2008 has been a rough journey, but I am so grateful for the grace and purpose to hold on. Through this I have been reminded how the Word really is Strength and Power. Had I not been a proven student of the Word, it wouldn't have been in me to draw upon for resilience.
Even as I have been writing this, the enemy has not been lying dormant but sticking his little imps of confusion all about to try and take me off course. This is the natural course of events after God moves. I thank God for making plain the crooked path the imps were attempting to draw me down. His Word says, He shall make every crooked path straight (Isaiah 40:4, Luke 3:5).
He also tells us to watch AND pray. I am reminded through my journey this year so far how important this is to our well being and growth. (For reference see - 1 Peter 5:8, Luke 21:34-36, Mark 13:33).
I believe this year is going to be very interesting and I can honestly say I am really looking forward to what's ahead.
Talitha Cumi
Sunday, January 13, 2008
Finally!
Finally, finally finally! I am merging into adulthood in an area of my life where I have been struggling as a grown up.
For as long as I remember, I have had this ridiculous reaction when I am startled. Not only that but I am startled very easily. I had no control over when it would happen. I was quite embarrassing. People would get such a kick out of seeing me jump half out of my seat in church at loud noises. It was funny I suppose. But it gets old after a while. I knew it had to do with my nervous system. I had prayed year in and year out. I had been told that anxiety was given to me as a thorn so to speak to try and take me out to thwart purpose.
That reminder helped me when I would get frustrated about my anxiety issues and exaggerated startling. The other thing that plagued me for years was how my ability to recall memories was nil. There was a shut down lock down threshold between my short and long term memory. I hated it. It just wasn't fair. I think that is what makes me so childlike in experiencing things though. I didn't realize that for a long time.
Because I can't remember things, I experience many things with the untainted eyes of a child allowing the freedom to fully appreciate life so much more. One of the silver linings to my cloud if you will. I also cannot remember the pains of my hurts which run very deep. A huge silver lining! Thank you Father! Still I feel the need for closure on my past. Why? Because I was allowed to shut down for a season. With that, I have had to live with much anxiety and panic attacks.
This all came to a head when a trigger caused a panic attack on December 3rd of last year. The trigger came through a phone call. I didn't realize it yet. I hung up the phone only to get another call from my Dr's nurse. I had called him earlier to give him an update on my increasing anxiety of late. In the midst of our conversation, while driving I realized I was in the midst of the beginning of a panic attack. She asked me where I was and asked could I drive straight to the office.
I made it there. He gave me some medicine for the panic attack, which I got filled immediately, took 1 in the car and made it home.
The next few weeks were a blur. I still felt like I was just getting over a virus and not getting my energy back but instead of getting better I got worse. I literally was exhausted every day. I went from a size 12 to a size 8. I felt numb, disconnected, and fuzzy. I continued to pray the best I could. I knew stressing about it was one thing I was not going to do. I committed whatever was going on to God. He brought to it; He would see me through it. I was more worried about what people were thinking. Wrong.
By the third week of December I knew something was very wrong. I had never felt this exhausted for this long. It was beginning to concern me. I was getting impatient about getting back to living. This was not me. I wanted to be better. NOW. I began surfing the net prayerfully by symptoms I was experiencing.
And then I found it. PTSD (Post Traumatic Stress Disorder). I talked with my Dr. about my discovery and he asked if I could pinpoint the original trauma. At the time of our conversation I couldn't. So, I prayed and asked God to reveal it to me. It would be nothing but a miracle if I remembered considering my shut down memory. The next morning, just as gentlemanly and direct as He always is, the Holy Spirit, told me in exactness what the original trauma was. I thought, 'Wow, wow that makes perfect sense.' It was after a very difficult event in my life when I was 13. How do I know? Because my sister told me after that specific event, I completely shut down. She said she will never forget it.
Of course, I have no recollection at all of it. Just her account of it. So, now, prayerfully I am believing God for the complete closure and recovery of my memory and free access to it. However He sees fit to make that happen is fine. For now I believe I am to walk through some recovery steps with a PTSD specialist. Perhaps then I will be anxiety and panic attack free. Perhaps they will always be a thorn, a witness to His sufficient grace. At least they will no longer debilitate my life any longer. At least I know the why and the what to do when they come. With God's help, understanding and strength I am able now to overcome.
So 2008 is truly a year of new beginnings for me and not just a cliché.
Sincerely, Talitha Cumi aka Tracy
© 2007
For as long as I remember, I have had this ridiculous reaction when I am startled. Not only that but I am startled very easily. I had no control over when it would happen. I was quite embarrassing. People would get such a kick out of seeing me jump half out of my seat in church at loud noises. It was funny I suppose. But it gets old after a while. I knew it had to do with my nervous system. I had prayed year in and year out. I had been told that anxiety was given to me as a thorn so to speak to try and take me out to thwart purpose.
That reminder helped me when I would get frustrated about my anxiety issues and exaggerated startling. The other thing that plagued me for years was how my ability to recall memories was nil. There was a shut down lock down threshold between my short and long term memory. I hated it. It just wasn't fair. I think that is what makes me so childlike in experiencing things though. I didn't realize that for a long time.
Because I can't remember things, I experience many things with the untainted eyes of a child allowing the freedom to fully appreciate life so much more. One of the silver linings to my cloud if you will. I also cannot remember the pains of my hurts which run very deep. A huge silver lining! Thank you Father! Still I feel the need for closure on my past. Why? Because I was allowed to shut down for a season. With that, I have had to live with much anxiety and panic attacks.
This all came to a head when a trigger caused a panic attack on December 3rd of last year. The trigger came through a phone call. I didn't realize it yet. I hung up the phone only to get another call from my Dr's nurse. I had called him earlier to give him an update on my increasing anxiety of late. In the midst of our conversation, while driving I realized I was in the midst of the beginning of a panic attack. She asked me where I was and asked could I drive straight to the office.
I made it there. He gave me some medicine for the panic attack, which I got filled immediately, took 1 in the car and made it home.
The next few weeks were a blur. I still felt like I was just getting over a virus and not getting my energy back but instead of getting better I got worse. I literally was exhausted every day. I went from a size 12 to a size 8. I felt numb, disconnected, and fuzzy. I continued to pray the best I could. I knew stressing about it was one thing I was not going to do. I committed whatever was going on to God. He brought to it; He would see me through it. I was more worried about what people were thinking. Wrong.
By the third week of December I knew something was very wrong. I had never felt this exhausted for this long. It was beginning to concern me. I was getting impatient about getting back to living. This was not me. I wanted to be better. NOW. I began surfing the net prayerfully by symptoms I was experiencing.
And then I found it. PTSD (Post Traumatic Stress Disorder). I talked with my Dr. about my discovery and he asked if I could pinpoint the original trauma. At the time of our conversation I couldn't. So, I prayed and asked God to reveal it to me. It would be nothing but a miracle if I remembered considering my shut down memory. The next morning, just as gentlemanly and direct as He always is, the Holy Spirit, told me in exactness what the original trauma was. I thought, 'Wow, wow that makes perfect sense.' It was after a very difficult event in my life when I was 13. How do I know? Because my sister told me after that specific event, I completely shut down. She said she will never forget it.
Of course, I have no recollection at all of it. Just her account of it. So, now, prayerfully I am believing God for the complete closure and recovery of my memory and free access to it. However He sees fit to make that happen is fine. For now I believe I am to walk through some recovery steps with a PTSD specialist. Perhaps then I will be anxiety and panic attack free. Perhaps they will always be a thorn, a witness to His sufficient grace. At least they will no longer debilitate my life any longer. At least I know the why and the what to do when they come. With God's help, understanding and strength I am able now to overcome.
So 2008 is truly a year of new beginnings for me and not just a cliché.
Sincerely, Talitha Cumi aka Tracy
© 2007
Sunday, December 9, 2007
Growing Pains - Written November 26th 2007
Treading out the rough terrain has hit an all time 'low' so to speak. I think today has been the most unexpected of days I have ever survived. Like the Palm tree, some news swayed the heck out of me but the gale wind of the conversation has passed and by God's will and purpose I remain. I have lost some branches, and of those that remain some have lost leaves but I'm still here.
I remain standing. I remain believing. I remain hopeful. I know that God is in control. I know that He has not left me nor forsaken me, no matter what I've inadvertently done or not done. I know that I am yet the head and not the tail. I am above only and not beneath. I know that I am yet blessed going in and coming out. I know that I am blessed in the city and in the country - no matter what it looks like.
I know that only God knows the way that I take. He alone knows my heart and its troubles. He alone knows my motives and my desires. He alone knows the effort I make every day to walk trust Him for my life.
The accusations must come. The misunderstandings must come. They hurt like the dickens but they will make me stronger. It is hard to know that someone you honor and respect does not understand the hard path of your life. But we don't get to choose our paths if we are walking in obedience to God's will for our lives. I would not have chosen this path had I known that's for sure! In this I know I am not alone, many of us would have screamed "Hold up God! I take that back! I don't want this journey after all!"
I refuse to make judgement as others have. I must however decipher for my own sanity that which is said from a place of Truth in Love from that which is said from a place of hurt and devastation. I understand, I really do, when we are hurt we make poor choices until we process why we're hurt - through Truth. Unfortunately, that is the hardest thing for many of us to do because we have to face some hard things about ourselves, our choices, and our behaviors.
As I end this day not knowing what faces me tomorrow, I know this journey has shifted and the terrain remains rough. As all things from here on for me. There has been a shifting, a maturing to the capability of people to be so cold, cutthroat and wrong about me at the same time.
I realize this is not the first time someone will miscalculate me. I understand now that as painful a life that it can be, it is yet a gift. So great a gift that it is worth the uncertainty that comes with being open and vulnerable over and over risking all and not giving weight to the possibiity of being 'slapt upside the head' by misunderstanding or straight deception.
I must know so deeply who I am. I must know my own value and that it is God birthed. Will that get tested? Duh! But I always come back to my God centered place and find that His Peace and His Presence will never leave me, never judge me, never misunderstand me and I realize everything will be ok.
Everything will be ok because I am submitted whole heartedly to God's Word, Will and Way. I will receive all teaching, instruction and correction that comes tested and pure through His Love and Truth be it directly to me, through my undershepherd/Pastor, or another chosen vessel.
Tracy
I remain standing. I remain believing. I remain hopeful. I know that God is in control. I know that He has not left me nor forsaken me, no matter what I've inadvertently done or not done. I know that I am yet the head and not the tail. I am above only and not beneath. I know that I am yet blessed going in and coming out. I know that I am blessed in the city and in the country - no matter what it looks like.
I know that only God knows the way that I take. He alone knows my heart and its troubles. He alone knows my motives and my desires. He alone knows the effort I make every day to walk trust Him for my life.
The accusations must come. The misunderstandings must come. They hurt like the dickens but they will make me stronger. It is hard to know that someone you honor and respect does not understand the hard path of your life. But we don't get to choose our paths if we are walking in obedience to God's will for our lives. I would not have chosen this path had I known that's for sure! In this I know I am not alone, many of us would have screamed "Hold up God! I take that back! I don't want this journey after all!"
I refuse to make judgement as others have. I must however decipher for my own sanity that which is said from a place of Truth in Love from that which is said from a place of hurt and devastation. I understand, I really do, when we are hurt we make poor choices until we process why we're hurt - through Truth. Unfortunately, that is the hardest thing for many of us to do because we have to face some hard things about ourselves, our choices, and our behaviors.
As I end this day not knowing what faces me tomorrow, I know this journey has shifted and the terrain remains rough. As all things from here on for me. There has been a shifting, a maturing to the capability of people to be so cold, cutthroat and wrong about me at the same time.
I realize this is not the first time someone will miscalculate me. I understand now that as painful a life that it can be, it is yet a gift. So great a gift that it is worth the uncertainty that comes with being open and vulnerable over and over risking all and not giving weight to the possibiity of being 'slapt upside the head' by misunderstanding or straight deception.
I must know so deeply who I am. I must know my own value and that it is God birthed. Will that get tested? Duh! But I always come back to my God centered place and find that His Peace and His Presence will never leave me, never judge me, never misunderstand me and I realize everything will be ok.
Everything will be ok because I am submitted whole heartedly to God's Word, Will and Way. I will receive all teaching, instruction and correction that comes tested and pure through His Love and Truth be it directly to me, through my undershepherd/Pastor, or another chosen vessel.
Tracy
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